Comments on: I agree with Katie Couric: avoid becoming a “displaced homemaker”

By: Diane

Diane — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:27:30 +0000

Um,Ok… Shannon. I’m really not trying to say anything more than what I’ve said. If I’m guilty of anything it’s of having a different philosophy than yours. Let me clarify: The question I asked is a question I ask of myself. Period. I clearly don’t look down upon any one’s choice to have children no matter what you choose to believe. I don’t put much thought into how anyone else chooses to pilot their family – unless it effects me adversely.(Leslie made a good point.) Like, for instance, if I’m in the classroom repeatedly helping out and the other kid’s mama’s are at the salon getting pampered or working because they’re bored. Now,that bothers me because I have a very busy schedule, myself. (I don’t mind helping but I’m not going to like constantly carrying another person’s weight.) If someone wants or needs to work and if they feel that it’s a sufficient family choice then it’s all good for them -it wouldn’t be an adequate choice for me. Because, in my heart, I know that my place is with my baby. My heart doesn’t rule the world. It only rules me. But, at the end of the day, I feel pretty darn skippy with myself for having made the choice that keeps me and my family happy.

By: Cricket

Cricket — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:56:33 +0000

I was going to comment on this post when I only saw two or three comments. For some reason I got distracted but decided to come back today…Wow, I am always surprised how women bash each other. If working is a necessity for your family then you do what you have to do, if you want to take some time off outside work and be a SAHM – its a great experience, if you can work a little and be a SAHM a little that is probably ideal. Honestly, I wish I could do that but it doesn’t work financially for our family. Everyone has different experiences and while I agree with Katie Couric’s advice, I am pretty sure she would have had the financial means to stay at home if she wanted after her husband passed. But she chose not to and that was her choice. Thankfully we live in a country where we have choices.

By: Shannon Carey

Shannon Carey — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 10:31:59 +0000

My bad on the above comment, Leslie. I should have written “some SAHMs.” That is what I meant, and I’m truly sorry. My honest feelings are that it’s great to stay at home and it’s good to work, but balance must be found.

By: Kim

Kim — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 05:20:24 +0000

Thanks for the post. All good points. My husband was laid off a couple months ago, and I started to think about working again. I took advantage of the fact that my husband was home and did some volunteer work–it felt really great to be using my brain again. I wrote about it here: http://gratitude365.blogspot.com/2009/04/do-i-look-productive.html

By: Erin

Erin — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 14:24:20 +0000

I know many women, including myself, who worked part-time with one child. Seems like most find it harder with two or more. Working part-time is actually my ideal, but sometimes it’s easier said than done. Personally, I don’t want to use childcare–when I worked part-time before, my husband was able to be with my daughter.

By: laura

laura — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 04:38:56 +0000

I read Katie’s entry a few days ago and am still thinking about it.

First, I think: would a young woman who worked so hard to get into, and get a degree from, a university like Princeton need that advice? It seems a little dated.

And yet … I am 33, and through the miracle that is facebook have reconnected with lots of high school classmates. There are several women, my age, who went to college or got an associate’s degree, got married, and had kids. And haven’t had a job, ever, or at least not in the last 6-8 years. That *floors* me. I worked full time after my son was born, but when he turned two we moved, and now I work part time and have some freelance projects. I don’t like just relying on one income primarily, but that’s where we are right now, and I am working hard to bring in more.

I love being able to have more time with my son than a 40+ hour a week job allows. But I have other responsibilities, too. And fears, too … we have life insurance but in a worst case scenario, I don’t want to have to move in with my parents, you know?

By: Leslie

Leslie — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 15:19:54 +0000

Shannon, As a SAHM I find the comment on “abdication of financial responsibility” to be judgmental, frankly. In our family my husband may have the responsiblity for earning the money, but I have the responsibility for a whole lot of other areas which contribute to the financial well-being of our household–taking care of kids so we don’t have to pay others to do so, spending literally hours figuring out how to get the best deals on groceries, finding inexpensive ways to get my uninsurable, self-employed husband the medications he needs . . . and the list goes on. We are a family choosing to have a parent at home even though it means financial hardship for us. I know that other people–perhaps most other people–prefer financial security to having a parent at home, but we view having me at home as a necessity, not a luxury. I haven’t abdicated anything, I have just made a choice to turn my skills toward the family and community at this time. On that note, I think it’s important to mention the role at-home parents play in our children’s schools. Fewer and fewer of us are shouldering more and more of the volunteering responsibilities that working parents, understandably, find it difficult to take on. There are many ways of contributing to the good of one’s family and community other than financial.

As for the future, my philosophy is to do what is best for my family NOW, not compromise the present for fear of a future that may never come to pass. If it does, I’ll deal with it then.

By: Erin

Erin — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 14:12:04 +0000

Is it abdication of financial responsibility if you don’t have a hand in at the moment, but you have a clear idea of what you would do if the worst happened, and a thorough knowledge of all the financial matters in your family?

Yes, there are good messages in all the debate, but they get lost when people say things like working moms are letting the daycare raise their chidren, or people like Leslie Bennetts strongly imply that stay-at-home moms are ignorant and haven’t thought things through.