The beatification of Steve McNair
Posted on 07/09/2009 04:49 am by kagranju
Let me start by saying that I am so sorry that Mr. McNair lost his life in such a terrible way. No one deserves to be murdered, no matter what they’ve done, and I feel just awful for his wife and children. The whole thing is a terrible, terrible tragedy.
However, I also feel really bad for the family of the girl (yes, at 20 years old you are still legally and emotionally a girl) he apparently led on in such a cruel, deceitful way. Clearly, she had serious, underlying emotional problems, but the powerful, rich, adult man who lied to her in order to sleep with her bears a lot of responsibility for exacerbating those problems, and for the horrifying way this thing ended.
The whole “I’m in a terrible relationship and we’re as good as broken up” line is one that a lot of women fall for, ending up involved with married men. But it’s just that, a line. And when a guy like Steve McNair uses it on a still-not-legal girl in order to gain her trust and physical affection, well, that’s just pathetic and cruel. And unfortunately, no matter what other good and great things he may have done in his life, the fact that he would do this to an underage, underemployed, low-income girl with a troubled life history (not to mention to his wife and children) says an awful lot about his character, or lack thereof.
UPDATE: Gettin’ my sanctimony on.
07/09/2009 at 9:42 am
A 20-year-old isn’t legally an adult in Tennessee? Thats surprising.
07/09/2009 at 9:44 am
We have a split system of “legal” age. You are treated as an adult in the criminal justice system at 18, but of course you can’t buy alcohol or a gun until you are 21. In fact, this girl was not even of legal age to buy the gun she used.
07/09/2009 at 10:49 am
I’m sorry Katie – but do you actually *know* any of the people involved? For crying out loud, we hardly know the whole story from what the media is reporting. For all we know she misrepresented her age. Or any myriad of other details we know nothing about could have impacted the scenario. Sometimes I wish we’d be a little less judgmental about “celebrity” lives we know nothing about.
07/09/2009 at 11:26 am
“yes, at 20 years old you are still legally and emotionally a girl”
Legally you’re an adult at 18.
The fact that you can’t buy alcohol most states until you’re 21 is beside the point. According to the Constitution you can’t be president of the United States until you’re 35, but no one would claim a 34 year old female is legally a girl.
07/09/2009 at 11:33 am
Sorry, I think this girl knew exactly who she was messing around with. I also think that women are much more savvy on relationships, and know how to “work” a man; I think that often men are the ones who are not taught how to protect themselves from manipulative women. (zipping up my flame suit)
07/09/2009 at 11:39 am
I agree with Katie. 20 years old and too young to even buy a drink is a girl. But that distinction is a red herring anyway. She was very young and he was not and they were clearly having an affair. They were both in the wrong but he bears more responsibility as a married father.
07/09/2009 at 11:57 am
I think it’s tacky to give someone a car for her birthday & then have her make the monthly loan payments.
It’s true, we don’t know the whole story. McNair and his wife could have had some kind of agreement. It’s so awful that anyone would think murder/suicide as a solution to problems. There are lots of people hurting here. So sad, regardless the alleged morality issues.
07/09/2009 at 12:09 pm
No, we don’t know all the details.
But the details we do know are enough for me to say what I am saying: what he did was crummy and wrong, and it says something about who he was in a very meaningful way.
But let me reiterate that I am very, very sorry for him, his family and especially his children.
-katie
07/09/2009 at 1:55 pm
Katie,
Who’s beatifying McNair for this part of his life? Folks are reeling that he had this side. I read an article on CNN.com about McNair struggling with life after football. Imagine having to give up writing, the thing you love and do best, at age 35. So many men and women find themselves in this situation, it’s pretty common, many young women consider it a rite of passage. Plus, young women come off as really savvy and sophisticated. It’s not like this was a Lolita situation, or he was dealing with someone with cognitive issues.
07/09/2009 at 1:57 pm
I’m reading a lot of beatification, and to be fair, it appears that the man had many wonderful qualities and did many wonderful things for other people.
And I guess I will just have to disagree that “many young women consider it a rite of passage” to fall in love with and become sexually involved with married fathers nearly twice their age, and with millions of dollars in the bank…
07/09/2009 at 3:21 pm
I wish we could see more empathy and less outrage…this applies to McNair as well as Sanford. We’re all good at throwing stones. We’re not so good as this.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/06/25/bregman.sanford/
07/09/2009 at 3:38 pm
Great essay. Blogged it: http://mamapundit.com/2009/07/gettin-my-sanctimonious-on/
07/09/2009 at 5:59 pm
Thanks for posting this essay. I knew a number of women in college who had affairs with married men in their 30s, and for this subset, they spoke about their predictably tortured experiences as if they was a rite of passage, they knew other women who did. I did not, by the way. When I was 22, I was courted by a celebrity who was 16 years older than me, with millions in the bank, and it was eerie, the difference in life experience and lifestyle. He was separated from his wife, though.
07/10/2009 at 8:50 am
He will be remembered for cheating on his wife and getting shot by his 20 yr old girlfriend. That’s it.
I never heard of this guy before, and know about him for his infidelity with the young women who killed him and killed herself.
It’s sad for their families.