Gingerbread House in Need of Emergency FEMA Assistance

On Friday night, while The Baby Toddler Cousins went to see “Finding Nemo on Ice” (because every story is better told on ice, right?) with Uncle Ray and Aunt Betsy, I took J, E and their cousins M (age 7) and E (age 11) to the Fellini Kroger with me to do some catch-up grocery shopping.

While at the store, and against my better judgment, I allowed myself to be wheedled by all 4 children into buying a “Make Your Own Gingerbread House” kit for $6.99. The box promised that it was so simple that even a very young child could complete the project without assistance. It was the “without assistance” part that sealed the deal, because in addition to hating baking and crafts of all kinds (although this kit did not require any actual baking; the pieces of the house supposedly came ready to assemble), my idea of torture would be working on a craft project involving jujubees that I would not be allowed to consume. The combination of crafting and delayed gratification would be a disaster waiting to happen for me.

But I digress.

Again, against my better judgment, I shelled out the $$ for the gingerbread house kit, and the five of us headed the 3 blocks back to our house, where the kids excitedly showed the colorful box containing their kit to Jon, who looked up from the book he was reading long enough to bemusedly mutter, “Bad, bad idea,” before going right back to reading. He’s low key that way (and as it turns out, usually right).

Oh no, I assured him, with the kids nodding their heads in enthusiastic assent. This is a VERY easy gingerbread house kit! It says so, right on the box!

I halfheartedly offered to help the children with their project, and was not so secretly glad when they said they could do it all by themselves, and that they wanted to. So I helped them find a few supplies they needed (actually, we had to interrupt Jon to find some of the supplies, as I was unsure whether we had something the instructions referred to as an “electric beater.”) Once the kids were set to go, I went and took a hot bath for nearly 40 minutes whilst reading the latest Star Magazine. As I caught up on the latest hijinks from those wacky Kardashian sisters, I assumed that the kids were busily at work on their SUPEREASY gingerbread masterpiece. I imagined how cute the finished product would look on our mantel during the holiday season just ahead.

However, I don’t think I will be displaying their handiwork on the mantel…or anywhere else for that matter. But I thought I would let y’all take a gander at what the kids produced with this “so easy that a drunk chimpanzee could build it” gingerbread house kit.

Yes, this was the result, and the children had already decamped to the upstairs, leaving their deconstructed “gingerbread house ” – and all of the mess they had made – behind on the dining room table. They assumed, somewhat bizarrely, that I would clean it all up for them. They were wrong.

But it goes without saying that I certainly DID go ahead and eat all of the jujubees. After all, I didn’t want them to go to waste.