Today was my first full day back at work. I think it went well and I tried to be very productive, but it was really, really, really, REALLY hard to be away from H all day. I feel what must be a biological/maternal compulsion to be with him as much as possible. Plus, it’s during work hours that all his therapists and doctors come to work with him, so I have to get information second hand. I would love so much to be able to take a few months off just to focus on my seriously injured child’s recovery. Alas, that’s not financially feasible for us.
My sister Betsy stayed with H part of today and my brother Robert is taking the afternoon/overnight shift today, so Robert was here at the hospital when I got here. I don’t know how I would be managing without Betsy and Robert. In fact, my whole family has been there for H and for me 100%. That’s because are a clan. We travel in a pack. (Don’t mess with one of us or you will deal with all of us.)
I think H is struggling a lot today and I see a lot of emotional and behavioral regression. Some of that is certainly due to his increasing awareness of the seriousness of his situation, but whatever the reason, we’re seeing some unusual and unexpected behaviors that are challenging to deal with. Today H’s psychologist suggested that after he leaves this hospital in a few weeks, H might need to go to another type of neuro rehab place – one that specializes even more specifically in the particular types of cognitive issues H is evidencing. The two institutions he mentioned as possibilities for H are many hours away from Knoxville. I want H to go to the best place in the country, but I am frantically worried about the whole insurance situation, and I also wonder how we will manage if he has the next phase of rehab in a faraway locale.
I guess I am borrowing trouble by worrying about that now. I need to focus on each discrete 24 hour period and not get ahead of myself. There’s certainly enough to worry about today without pre-worrying for tomorrow.
I still can’t believe this has happened to my son, or to our family.
I just…can’t…believe it.
17 Responses to “Another 24 hours in a row”
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Katie,
You are going to get through this. Let the professionals guide you. The insurance and money and that that bullsh*# will work itself out. Don’t let the red tape (and the exhaustion)allow you to take your eye off the ball.
Hang in there.
Sadie at heyMamas
Katie, don’t let the trials slow you down! You are on the right path, and H. is on his way to recovery. The thing about TBI’s is that so much of “what if” is just that. A What IF? Look how far H. has come in the short span since his hospital admission. Please do not be alarmed by the many stages he will go through as his brain heals. I remember wondering what evil, demanding, hateful person had over-taken my beloved Mother while she was healing. You can do this! The Dr’s and other team members will help you. Please take care of yourself!
Step by step. The other stuff (insurance, etc) will be there whether you worry about it or not. Day to day life is almost beyond one’s grasp in this situation. Give yourself some time to think of your other babies, things that give you strength, light, happiness.
I’ll be there later today and will do the next two overnights. I love you and love him beyond what words can express. The trail, Kate, the trail.
Keep swimmin’
We are with you in thought and prayer.
Hang in there.
Katie,
I’ve been routinely reading your blog for more than a year now, so I kind of feel like I know you a bit (but not in a creepy stalker kind of way!). And I would just like to say this: I TRULY ADMIRE YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS AS A PROFESSIONAL AND AS A MOTHER. The fact that you can even manage to put together a coherent thought at this point is amazing to me. But you take it so much further– while personally struggling with your own questions/doubts about your parenting decisions you share your story with the world KNOWING full well that many will attack you when you are already feeling quite vulnerable. Instead of reflexively going on the defensive about your choices, you reach out in an effort to engage in a constructive dialogue. What an excellent example you are setting for your children– acknowledging that no one is perfect and that everyone should take a thoughtful approach to even the most heart-wrenching life challenges. KEEP ON KEEPIN’ ON KATIE. On the whole, you’re a fantastic mother, and that’s all any of us can hope for.
Katie,
Talk to the staff that handles Medicaid, H could be eligible to get on Medicaid. He could qualify separate from his parents assets when he has used up your private insurance allowances. (If it works that way in your state), It worked that way for my daugther and was a life safer. Also some of the best facilities accept Medicaid for the type of follow up neuro care he might need.
You have people all over the country rooting for your family and willing to help, send him to NYC and I would visit him!
Hang in there.
One day at a time. You WILL get through this, because you must. And so will H.
Wow! I just can’t imagine what you are going through and I am so sorry. I do not know you or your family, but my daughter knows H though not very well. I have 2 children, ages 22 & 19 that suffer with addiction and it breaks my heart everyday. I pray for H and his family along with my family. My daughter has been in rehab and is moving into sober living. I just pray that SHE wants to change. You are so strong; it amazes me. Keep up the good fight. I can relate to your pain on a small scale and will continue to pray for healing and strength for all. H is blessed to have you as his mother.
God Bless you all.
This is so scary and sad. Try to take it one day, one minute at a time. My thoughts are with your family.
One idea, Katie… on the event of an out-of-town situation- how about the possibility of a leave of absence and a part time job somewhere? I’m sure a temporary l.o.a would be understandable in your situation. Keeping all of you in our thoughts and prayers- and yes, you do have a great family.
Dear Katie~
I read an article about your struggle with your son in yesterday’s Toronto “Globe and Mail” and it really hit home. I have faced a very similar struggle with my daughter N. who is now 25, Her life has gone progressively down the tubes for the last 10 years, personal hell for our entire family – and a hell for our daughter too. Raised in a professional family, she too is beautiful, intellectually gifted and very talented – but the bottom fell out of my world shortly after my husband’s death, when she announced she was a heroin addict. Her addiction began when she was working at a very good job (which of course she subsequently lost) and she has lived in the gutter for the last 2 years. Prostitution, legal encounters of the worst kind, living in homeless shelters and an unwanted pregnancy all failed to wake her up; all sorts of interventions from methadone clinics to prevate rehab failed to help her or bring her to her senses. It has been a horrendous struggle for her, for me as a parent and for our entire family. I too felt a profound sense of relief when I came to the point where I stopped lying about/for her. I completely agree with everything said about your situation in this article. Instead of the ostracism I expected, the support we began to feel was overwheming, and telling the truth about her was liberating in so many ways. I applaud you for having the courage to share your story with others – there are more of us than people know. Thank you for having the courage to speak out – it makes things easier for countless others whom you do not even know. I live in constant fear for her – every time the telephone rings, I fear the worst. As an adult, her situation is beyond my control, and it’s heartbreaking for a mother to know that one of two things will happen. She will either make the choice to seek help and become clean, or she will die. There is no in-between. God bless you and your family as you continue on your journey.
You can’t help but worry. But do try to take it all one day at a time. It will be some time before you really know how H’s brain will heal. Breath and take care of yourself as well as you can. Prayers.
Give yourself permission to be angry with H. I don’t even know him or you and I’m mad as hell at him for all of this.
Trust me, getting angry doesn’t make you a bad person…it makes you human.
Just checking in…you all are in my thoughts.
“I still can’t believe this has happened to my son, or to our family. I just…can’t…believe it.”
Aww. This hit home. IME, it takes a good long while to assimilate it all. I hope things will be close to normal (what is that? not sure. maybe it’s normal you can see your son’s future with only the average amount of angst) by the time you get there.
I’m so glad you have a clan. That will make all the difference.