May 282010
I got the results of H’s neuropsych eval back yesterday. The report notes that when H was tested during his inpatient addiction treatment in 2009 – when he was 17 – he tested at the 99th percentile for verbal ability and comprehension for kids his age.
Now my child can’t speak in full sentences, or read.
Stupid drugs. Stupid drug dealers.
Talk to your kids about drugs and alcohol. Talk some more. Do it today. Dig deeper. Look more closely. Trust your gut no matter what your teenager is telling you. Err on the side of doing too much rather than not doing enough. Please. I don’t want H’s injuries to be for nothing. I want other people to learn from our family’s experience.
20 Responses to “Cruel and unfair”
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Katie,
Your warnings are not lost on us readers. I am reading your posts everyday and praying throughout the day for you and all of your extended family. I am also formulating a plan for how my family will handle drug use if and when it occurs in our family- I have three children and I really relate to how this crept in- it could happen as easily to us. My husband and I have never talked about this or gotten on the same page about having zero tolerance for drug use. You are sending an important message and it is being heard. Thank you for offering up your pain and honesty. It’s for the good of other parents.
I’m a new reader here and I find myself clicking over several times a day. It is gutwrenching to see this happening to your family. I’ve ordered the book ‘Beautiful Boy’ from my local library. My kids are little now (6 & 4) but my husband and I were both into drugs, alcohol, and every unsavory thing that goes along with it. I had 2 drug dealers threaten to kill me in my early 20′s. We hold no illusions that our children won’t deal with the same things. We’re doing our best, praying hard, and trusting that God will be with us. Thank you for sharing your story and being so brutally honest–even when it’s hard.
I also read your heartbreaking posts everyday. I don’t have children, but this has really opened my eyes. I’m so sorry for your family’s deep pain. Your advocacy is important and reaching many.
I wrote you a personal email about my son a couple of days ago. I’m not a religious person but one of the things that I kept repeating to myself over and over during that dreadful period two years ago was “It is sooth that sin is cause of all this pain. But all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well”
I was under no illusion that “all shall be well” would be on my terms….but repeating this gave me some peace.
I just told your story to my husband last night, so we can be on the same page about taking this kind of thing seriously.
My husband was a troublemaking pothead teenager, the type who straightened out in college and announced that a little teenage experimentation for our own boy wouldn’t be the end of the world.
That’s changed now.
Katie, I can’t stop thinking of you and of Henry. I am the mother of a wild rock and roll loving highly verbal four and a half year old boy. I also stopped drinking and doing recreational drugs at age 25 because I could see the path I was headed down…. My heart goes out to you, and my mind is more clear on steps to take with my own boy. Love and light to you. Keeping you in our prayers here. XXX
Katie, I don’t know what to say except that I am heartsick for all of you. And my two teenage sons know all about what has happened to Henry. We are all learning from you.
Katie, I have ALREADY had two or three talks with my 14 yr old about this situation, about drugs, about brain damage. Your experience, Henry’s condition is not for naught.
We are holding you all in our thoughts and prayers.
The business loans seem to be very useful for people, which would like to organize their own career. As a fact, that’s not hard to get a car loan.
My heart breaks for you.
Our family is full of addiction, and this is helping me figure out how to handle things as they arise with my own kids.
I will do it. I’ve talked about it with the one who’s on seizure meds since she was about 8, because I wanted it to be clear that even though it’s unfair, pot or too many beers could do a number on her that it might not do to a kid who isn’t on such a doozy of a prescription. And then, because I didn’t want to seem like a total square, I joked that I could already tell Little Brother is the rebel who’ll drive us nuts doing all the stuff his sister can’t (and his dad and I did casually). I will hereby stop making that joke, and I will treat your assignment as a serious one, as of dinner tonight. You and Henry will have helped, whether both kids steer clear, or if they don’t and I -uncharacteristically- realize I have to deal with it in a manner more firm and un-groovy than my usual m.o.
I, too, have been reading your posts, although I have no connection to you other than I started my career in Knoxville years ago and after several cross-country moves, the town still has a place in my heart. Please know that you are reaching many of us parents, compelling us to talk to our kids AGAIN about staying away from drugs. I was quite the goody-two-shoes in my teen years, never smoking even a cigarette, so I lecture from a different perspective: “I never tried drugs, and I turned out fine!” I’m trying to instill in my kids that you can refuse to engage in those behaviors and still find other “cool” friends who will love you as you are. I’m also keeping my fingers crossed, my antennae up, and hoping and praying for the best… not only for my own family, but for yours.
Katie, my heart goes out to your and your family. I followed you closely back in the day (2005ish) and just heard about this and read your Babble piece today. Wow. I write a lot about gifted children and I think many people hear things like testing in 99% and think “ooh, smart, lucky kid,” but gifted kids often display over excitabilities and intensities, which I can see dovetailing with addiction. When I see a certain child I know obsessing over video games, I shudder to think how he might react to drugs.
I am so sorry you are in this situation and I applaud you for going public. I cringe at some of the critical comments you’ve received; please know you are spurring a lot of important family conversations in many homes. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Listening, watching, learning.
Ditto, Micaela. And I will add: forwarding.
And thinking about your family every day.
Dear Katie, I have been reading your blog for many years and you are an inspirational woman and mother. You have been one of my breastfeeding role models. Thank you for sharing what has happened to H. It breaks my heart to read about what you are all going through. I will remember the lesson in the future as my three children get older. Thank you again for being so brave and giving us all this warning of what can happen. I am so terribly sorry this has happened to your beautiful son.
Katie, I just talked with my kids about H’s story. They are 9, 6, and 3. I told them about how he was a healthy, wonderful young adult, and now he can’t walk, talk, or give hugs all because of drugs. I told them that I never want them to try drugs, and gave them some ideas about what to do if other kids were pressuring them.
I know that is probably cold comfort to you. I can’t imagine the pain you are in. I have to throw out again a plug for “Stroke of Insight” about a woman who suffered a stroke and tells what she was like inside when she was catatonic outside.
Many people are not aware that you can purchase over-the-counter drug test kits at any drugstore. If anyone reading this has ANY question about whether their teenager is using, I highly encourage this option. A confrontation now is preferable to what Katie is going through.
I’ll add to that, as the mother of one of H’s best friends (and a fellow addict): don’t just err on the side of caution, be paranoid. Violate their privacy and be a hard ass if necessary. Ask questions and demand clear, concise answers. Don’t be taken in and don’t guilt yourself into backing down. Don’t listen when others tell you you’re overreacting. They’re kids. Arrogant, uppity teenagers who only think they know what they’re doing. My son hated me for several years. Now, a year into recovery, he loves me and thanks me nearly daily for so rudely interfering in his life.
Katie, you know our prayers and thoughts are always with you.