End of an era – mine
Posted on 05/21/2010 07:48 pm by kagranju
Yesterday my mother closed on the sale of our family home. She’s moving out and moving on. This isn’t the house in which I actually grew up, but it’s in the same small town where I did spend my childhood and teenage years – Bell Buckle, TN – and it’s the house where my parents lived for many years. To my children, this is the iconic “grandma’s house.” It’s where I was married and where my sister danced with my father at her wedding reception in the backyard. We’ve celebrated christenings and Christmases there, and it’s full of every piece of my childhood history that still exists. It’s the last place that my whole, intact, nuclear family – both parents and all three siblings – ever ate a meal together. It’s home.
But as of yesterday, it’s someone else’s home. My mother made the practical decision that it’s just too much house for her to manage by herself any longer, so she decided to sell. She’s starting a new chapter of her life with the guy she’s been dating for several years. They are building a lake house together in a town several hours away. She’s downsizing and starting over, and as happy as I am for her, it’s also very sad for my siblings and me. Yesterday she sent an email out with her new phone number, saying the phone number that has been in existence as “our” number since I was a little girl would be turned off today. Erasing that number from my phone contacts and replacing it with the new one wasn’t fun for me. And it makes me sad that C will have no memories of the house, and baby-to-be won’t ever set foot inside of it.
Tomorrow my brother, sister, brother in law, husband and various friends will be loading up a truck in Bell Buckle with various furniture and special items that my mother has given us as she sheds her old life, then driving the truck the several hours back to Knoxville. I am really excited to be inheriting my great-grandmother’s baby grand piano (although trying to figure out how to move a 125 year old baby grand piano 250 miles on the cheap in the midst of everything we are dealing with right now was not easy. Jon and my sibs handled all the details and I am VERY grateful). They are also bringing back my great grandmother’s dining room table – the first “nice” dining room table I’ve ever had, plus it seats at least 12 – and some other things. C is getting a beautiful art deco canopy bed that will become her first “big girl” bed if we ever get an actual room cleaned out and painted for her. It’s kind of overwhelming to have all of these things coming into my house at the moment, because my own abode is totally trashed and chaotic because I’ve barely been home in a month. Truly, our house is a complete wreck right now. But this was the weekend to get the furniture if it was to be gotten, so there you have it.
Although I feel bad that Jon (with C in tow) is down in Bell Buckle tonight and tomorrow handling all of this without my help, I am kind of glad I won’t be there to see the house emptied and closed up for the last time. I think that would have made me too sad. It’s the end of an era in our family’s life.
But life goes on. And I hope that E will enjoy taking lessons on my great grandmother’s piano.
To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal …
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance …
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.
ecclesiastes 3:1-8
05/21/2010 at 7:59 pm
I can’t even imagine the emotions you are going thru………..
05/21/2010 at 8:07 pm
My parents moved out of my childhood home a few years ago. The day they moved out, I snuck in with my key and walked through every room alone, crying and remembering. It would probably be a hard enough event in and of itself, but coupled with caring for H, I’m sure it’s totally overwhelming for you. Breathe, take good care of yourself, and feel every damn emotion you want to feel.
05/21/2010 at 8:36 pm
This is a really rough time for you and it’s hitting from all directions. All I can tell you is breathe and put one foot in front of the other. It WILL pass, even though it doesn’t feel that way.
05/21/2010 at 8:53 pm
Hey Katie,
My parents still live in the home I mostly grew up in and have the same phone number I’ve ever known them to have. But with them both retired I know the clock is ticking. They still keep the place up well, but eventually I’ll deal with this same issue. I’ve already wondered how I’ll handle it. I don’t think any thinking ahead will prepare me for that.
Thank you for sharing so much of your life lately. I hurt for you, but also know (and hope) this is therapeutic for you. You know where I am (and where I work) so if you just need to talk, please let me know.
05/21/2010 at 9:03 pm
My Mother did the same thing only a few months ago. Sold the family home. Your article could have been about me as I virtually have had all the same feelings and emotions that u r experiencing. Thank u for sharing. Life marches on even when at times we’d just like it to stand still for just one more moment. Have u heard the song ‘the house that built me’ by Miranda Lambert? Take a listen when u get a chance. Take care my friend and know your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
05/21/2010 at 9:24 pm
Funny how we grieve over houses. I just sold my DC house. (Closed today, in fact; my birthday.) It was the right decision to sell, and it doesn’t carry nearly the memories your mom’s house does, but I completely understand your grief, and you are completely entitled to it. I’m right there with you.
05/21/2010 at 10:09 pm
Dear Katie,
You don’t know me, although you do know both my brother Simon and my mother (she was Henry’s teacher at Montessori, I believe). Shortly, I send you love, energy, and courage. Lots.
Meanwhile, for you daughter C’s room, I have an idea. Special Spaces. They redo rooms for kids with illnesses. In this case, while it is Henry’s turn to fight, I would say that an extension of love for C would be wonderful. I was thinking about calling Jennifer who runs the org. Do you mind? If not, I’d like to push for this for you. It would mean C would get her own room designed her/your own way and you would have a home for your family things. It’s all about home.
Ok. Sorry if I’ve intruded. But your posts have been both painful and really beautiful.
You hang in there.
The God of small things is in every thing.
Love to you and your family – all of them and especially you.
05/21/2010 at 10:57 pm
I feel your pain. I hate moving. I had to help my mother move our of our family home when Jake was just three weeks old. It was a post-divorce move and was very painful. Our own recent move was very upsetting for me as well. I think it is a good thing that you don’t have to be part of it right now. I hope having some of your special family things around will be a comfort to you.
05/21/2010 at 11:17 pm
And had Iknown what was about to happen, I wouldn’t have done it at this time. But the contract was signed before our precious Henry’s crisis and our world fell apart. I’m so sorry, Kate, that I’m adding to your grief. I wouldn’t have done it for the world if I had I seen what the next weeks would bring. I hope the special things you are getting will help some.
05/22/2010 at 7:14 am
Katie, I am weeping over this and so much more for you and your very extended family. It seems like the hits keep coming and not any of them were within your control or Mama’s timing. The out-of-control dips of it all must feel like the worst.amusment.park.gone.wrong.ride ever.
I hope you get to catch your breath and a happy break or two soon.
Mare
05/22/2010 at 10:43 am
The good thing is that the children (and you) will have new memories made at the lake house! I think having a grandmother who lived at a lake house would be very, very cool.
Even in the midst of crisis there are new beginnings.
Hoping the best for you and yours.
05/22/2010 at 11:24 pm
This is a spiritual journey that you are on… No one can do it for you, but we are by your side.
Step by step…
05/23/2010 at 1:12 pm
I almost became physically ill when I moved out of my last apartment, where I had spent a very happy five years. Seeing it empty of my things…my life…almost broke my heart. Considering everything going on in your life right now, I think it’s a blessing that you aren’t involved in this. Remember your family home as it was…full of the things and the people you love. There will be new memories in new places. Treasure that place and that time always.
05/24/2010 at 2:03 pm
That house is something out of a Tennessee Williams play. What rich memories it must have given you.
05/29/2010 at 4:18 pm
Katie – I feel like I’ve been in that house. Was it ever owned by Jim Cooper or Lynn Farrah… maybe all the houses in that part of the state built in that time just look like that.