H keeps getting quieter and quieter. For the past two days he’s drifted in and out of what I would describe as a semi-conscious state. This is markedly different from the awake but sort of catatonic affect he had previously. Now he rarely opens his eyes except to take a few bites of food when prompted. And they don’t open all the way; they flutter and then settle closed again, like he’s just too tired to hold them open. He can’t sit up in a chair like he could before.
His legs and arms – now so thin that they feel like ropes – repeatedly tense and flex involuntarily as he lays in his hospital bed. His body’s movements seem totally disconnected from whatever is going on inside of his head. Sometimes a tremor passes through his whole body and he looks terrified for just a moment. He grimaces – still never opening his eyes – and I stroke his forehead and sing quietly to him to try to get him to relax.
This change for the worse started over the weekend after he had some sort of seizure episode – we’re not completely sure what it was – after which he lost consciousness for several minutes. During the time he was out, he instantly became drenched in sweat, something that hasn’t happened before. At first the doctor didn’t seem that concerned about the episode, but after seeing how different he was in the hours after the seizure, I insisted that they do a CT Scan, which they did yesterday. It apparently showed some edema around the brain – that’s new – so now they will do an MRI to get an even better look inside his head. They tried to do the MRI today, but he can’t stop tensing and twitching for the test. So he will have to have general anesthesia with intubation, and that requires him to go 12 hours without food or drink. So tomorrow. Tomorrow.
He’s so quiet. So thin and quiet.
I’ve realized that if I look out the window of his room, I can see across the hospital’s courtyard to the maternity floor where he was born. That was such a happy day.
27 Responses to “Thin and quiet”
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God, Katie. I hate this. I wish I could hug you. XO
i’m so sorry.
I am so sorry. prayers for your whole family
Oh, dear. I have been thinking of you and H often and hoped he was doing better. I am so sorry.
Oh, Katie. I’m so sorry, so very sorry. My heart is breaking for all of you. (Hugs)
My heart goes out to you every day. Every day I think of you and your family. I have a 3 year old boy. I cannot imagine losing him to mental illness (addiction) or violence, much less both.
I do hope the criminals who tried to kill your son are caught, but even more, I hope more families start talking openly and honestly about drugs, expectations, and boundaries, and hopefully convince more young men and women that it’s not worth it.
As the author of the post you pointed out said, “I did stuff, and turned out fine.” I did too, but I no longer believe it’s worth the risk.
Hi Katie, I’ve been following your blog daily, as usual and was hoping you would be getting some positive news soon, but it doesn’t look like that is the case. I’m thinking about your family and praying everyday for H.
My heart is cracking open for you and your family. You have my sympathy and my hope for positive news about your beloved boy.
Katie, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you cope with this tragedy.
{{{{{HUGSSSSSS}}}}}
I’m so sorry. This must be agony for you and I hope and pray it gets better soon.
Hugs and tears coming your way. I hope this is just a temporary setback and that he will soon begin to recover.
Much love, Katie. I hope this is blip, and that the road, though it will be long, is smoother from here on out.
Katie, this post particularly is both beautifully written and heartbreaking. I am so very sorry this is happening. Like so many others, we are sending our best thoughts and hopes for a good outcome for all of you.
I hope you get some answers from the MRI, at least. I’m so sad and so sorry.
No words can adequately express how sorry I am. I think about you, H, and your family all the time.
I am so sorry. So sorry.
Katie, I was hoping that Henry would be improving. Please know that you are all in my prayers daily. Don’t ever give up hope. We are not in control. God is. He is holding H in his arms and watching over him. For whatever reason, he is allowing this to happen. He is the Great Physician and can heal him if it is his will. My heart breaks for you, as I think any mother’s would. Keep the faith! His time is not our time. We wanted him healed several weeks ago, but God knows all things and knows what is best. No matter what, this will all be for his glory and honor. Love in Christ, Kim
I’ve been searching dictionaries and lexicons to find the words that will help, that will heal. Still can’t find them, still looking. In the meantime, you are in my thoughts daily.
Dear Kate,
I’m crying with you. I am so sorry. I am holding H up in prayer and you too. Sending my Godmother to watch over the both of you….
hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug
Katie – I am very saddened to read this news of H’s setbacks. I am holding you in my heart, and praying for you, may you be blessed with the strength and courage that will carry you through this tragety. I know the vulnerability of a mother’s love, and my heart aches for you.
I am so sorry. I will continue to keep him in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for keeping us updated.
After not having read your posts for (I hate to admit) a little over a week, I got the overwhelming urge to see how H was doing, words cannot describe how awfull I feel for you and your family…you will remain a part of my daughters prayer circle here in Montana…don’t know what else to say…
Karin
oh katie-my heart is breaking for you…i’m just so sorry you,henry & your family are going through this.
thank you for being so strong and sharing these henry updates with all of us. henry has so many new & old friends thinking and praying for him. lots of love, sheila
I can’t help it. I’m gonna say it.
I cannot believe people were worried “omg he might have problems getting into college or getting a job since you said this in public!”
Uh, that would be awesome if that happened. I hope to god one day he does have those problems because it will mean he got better. For now y’all have much bigger fish to fry.
Bless.
Hugs from across the Atlantic.
I can’t get your family out of my mind. I have 3 children (oldest just turned 10) and daily think what will happen as they grow up…
Marta from Lisbon, Portugal
I have a boy who had drug abuse problems similar to H’s. He somehow survived and he is now 26.
That is why I am so humbled by your messages. I cannot believe how lucky I have been. Thanks be to God.
Every night, when we say grace over supper, we pray for you and H and your family. It seems so little and you need so much. I realize that and I am humbled again.
God bless. And don’t forget to take care of Katie from time to time.