A eulogy for Henry Louis Granju ~ 1991-2010
Posted on 06/06/2010 01:41 am by kagranju
Henry’s Eulogy
Written and beautifully delivered by his father, Chris Granju today, June 5 2010 at services for our son.
On Monday evening all of us here lost part of our lives. Henry’s mother Katie and I lost one of the three people on earth who have given our lives purpose, direction and meaning since we were barely older than Henry was when we lost him this week. Henry’s brother Elliot and sisters Jane and Charlotte, as well as the new baby sister who will soon join our family have lost their role model, guide, entertainer and dearest friend. We have all lost a grandson, a nephew, a cousin, and most of all, a friend.
Henry was born an old, wise soul to very young parents who loved him desperately from the first moment we felt him kick. The day of his birth, October 7, 1991, was one of those perfectly crisp East Tennessee fall days where the sun shines brighter and the blue sky seems endless. It was a day celebrated with much excitement by a huge and loving circle of family and friends who went on to surround Henry with continuing adoration for the next 18 years.
And our boy loved his family powerfully. He lived for his younger siblings, and he always had time to play with one of his many young cousins. He leaves behind an entire younger generation of our family who will never, ever forget their handsome, charismatic, guitar playing Henry.
Henry felt terribly guilty for the pain his addiction caused to those who loved him. He knew he was loved, but he didn’t always recognize the many gifts he brought us all. Henry was a brilliant, beautiful baby and child who from the very beginning, simply felt the world more deeply than most of the rest of us. This special sensitivity was both his blessing and his curse. His inborn and intense empathy and intuition gifted him with a natural creativity that he expressed musically and in writing. However, it also caused him great suffering, a suffering that he never seemed to be able to shake completely, and which he eventually attempted to mask in ways that hurt him more than they helped him. Henry was – in so many ways – just too sensitive for the world into which he was born.
Henry taught us about love and peace. He was deeply hurt when he saw injustice in the world on any level. He was one of those guys who would speak up for the kid in the class on whom others were picking, and he was genuinely disturbed by the cruel injustices we see every day in this world. His strong natural sense of compassion – something rare and powerful – was of the type that can change the world if given the chance to blossom. But Henry left us before he ever left his own childhood behind, so he never had the opportunity to share that potential as fully as he might have.
Life with Henry was never dull. He had the debating skills of a trained lawyer and the culinary tastes of a teenage boy …with really bad taste. Henry taught us an appreciation for such culinary delights as Taquitos – fried, raman noodles with hot sauce and curry powder, sushi as comfort food, gummy and sour anything, and of course the joys of enormous quantities of ginger ale and sierra mist.
Henry was a natural history buff and an encyclopedia of knowledge from before he could read.. As a young child, he carried around a tattered Illustrated Encyclopedia of World History and asked anyone who would to read a section to him. Later, I remember one of his middle school birthday parties when his friends weren’t allowed to watch anything but PG rated movies, so he chose an unrated movie about Fidel Castro’s life as the movie for all his friends to watch. Among other surprises that night was hearing him explain to his somewhat confused guests how Fidel was a “good guy’ at the beginning of the movie, but that “now he was a bad guy.” It was priceless.
Henry could always take our minds off the troubling and mundane and take us to a place where we could see the joy and laughter that is always around us if we allow ourselves to look. He was our family’s practical joker, continually entertaining us with his sometimes outrageous but always clever wit. He especially loved to tease Jane and Elliot, and in fact, when our family was talking about what music to play during the service today, his sister Jane suggested Jack Johnson’s “Good People,” and explained to us how her brother had once convinced her the song was called “where have all the blue people gone?” and she had found herself arguing with her friends about the “blue people,” much to Henry’s amusement.
I also remember how we were all madly entertained the time he lightened up a bumper-to-bumper traffic jam on a family trip in Pigeon Forge by getting on the PA system installed in our Suburban and starting to play the role of tour guide to all the cars around us, offering ridiculous made-up-on-the-fly facts about such sights as the Smoky Mountain helicopter tour pad, and a random mini mart. He had everyone in our truck and everyone in the cars around us rolling in laughter. Even though his brother and sister were often unwitting accessories to his jokes, we all got a smile from his ceaselessly creative sense of humor, including the time he convinced his mother for several hours that he had signed her up to take in a Lithuanian foster child who would be arriving by plane that very evening.
Today, our family feels completely bereft. We are lost and confused. We have missed our Henry every moment since he left us Monday evening, and it’s impossible to imagine the lifetime ahead without him. He was the light of our lives and it’s hard to see the way forward without that light.
For me, Henry came into my life at a time when I was especially young and dumb. I feel lucky to have been able to tell Henry in his final hours that his presence in my life gave me the motivation to turn my life around so I could be there for him. Not a day has passed in the past 18 years when I haven’t been thankful for that gift.
Before he died, I believe Henry’s spirit of peace and love brought another very special gift to our family. Over the last month, as we joined one another to attend to Henry and support one another through his fight for his life, he was showing us all that we can put our differences in the past and be one big, loving blended family, as Henry always wanted. We are now forever reunited by his love in a powerful way. It was his special gift to all of us, and especially to his little brother and sisters. We treasure that gift and will never again take it for granted.
Henry, you have been my son, my friend, my teacher, my bandmate and my collaborator in the ridiculous sense of humor we shared. As I was writing this, I thought of the Crosby Stills Nash & Young song, “Teach Your Children.” Henry, you have taught me and all of us so much about life, love and what really matters. I feel sad to realize that I won’t be able to share another knowing smile with you when something comes up that I know you and I would think is funny even if no one else would get it. I feel sad that I will not be able to experience your unfaltering dedication to justice, compassion and love – even in the face of the cruelest realities that life can throw at us.
Thank you for sharing 18 years with all of us. We love you and will miss you. We will never stop telling your story, and your gifts will live on to help others.
You have left the world a better place than you found it. Thank you. We love you Henry.
—————————————————-
Our family is starting what we hope will become a permanent, endowed fund that will provide scholarships for families who cannot afford to pay for needed drug and alcohol treatment programs for their children. We ask that you remember our boy and his struggles – as well as all of our community’s children being lost to the scourge of addiction – by considering a donation to:
The Henry Louis Granju Memorial Scholarship Fund
c/o Administrator: James Anderson
Morgan Stanley Smith Barney
2000 Meridian Blvd.
Suite 290
Franklin, TN 37067
06/06/2010 at 1:53 am
So well written.
Your son sounds like such a beautiful boy
I am so sad for your loss
I think they might have been right when they said ‘only the good die young’
06/06/2010 at 1:58 am
This was a beautiful tribute to your son……once again I am so very sorry for your loss. So much so that I cannnot stop checking your blog for updates. I am praying for justice for your family, and that you all find peace with this tragedy.
06/06/2010 at 2:08 am
A beautiful tribute to Henry. I know him better. Your family is in my heart tonight. Please know you are loved by those you do not know, and my prayers are out toward you.
06/06/2010 at 2:11 am
*crying*
I will say to you what someone once said to me when our Andy was taken from us so young…God must have an awfully special purpose for Henry, to take him from you in this way.
But oh, it is so painful for those who are left behind.
06/06/2010 at 2:22 am
Beautiful…
06/06/2010 at 2:30 am
I am crying tears over this! So beautiful! Describes such a beautiful boy that will be missed! Henry’s story is powerful! He will never be forgotten and his life has taught many lessons to those of us who have followed your journey the last month or so. You are loved.
06/06/2010 at 2:46 am
As moved as I am by this tribute to Henry, I am even more moved by your scholarship in his honor. I don’t think most people know how incredibly generous this is, and how important and needed it is as well. I’m the parent of a boy much like Henry, who has been to rehab at the best psychiatric hospital in the world. Unfortunately, he is only allowed to be there for a two-week stay unless we could pay privately, and that is just not possible for our family. Had there been a grant available, we would have jumped at the chance to keep him longer than two weeks.
You are doing valued and blessed work in Henry’s name, and for that I’m supremely grateful. I’ve followed your situation for the past month and have cried such tears for you all and for Henry. It is an evil curse you have borne, and I’m so sorry for your loss.
06/06/2010 at 2:50 am
I am awe of this eulogy and am sad for the world’s loss this week. If only Henry could have grown up to be the man you knew he would be. I am sorry for your family’s loss, and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for telling your story.
06/06/2010 at 3:20 am
What a beautiful tribute to Henry and his life. I am so sad that his father had to write this and read it today. I can’t imagine the pain he felt while doing this. I will be continuing to pray for you and your whole family’s strength in the coming days and weeks ahead.
06/06/2010 at 4:31 am
All I can say, having read this tragedy over the past weeks, is that clearly, his energy and light is needed on some other plane. Some other spiral that we don’t necessarily understand or even know how to embrace. There is a power present, even in the pictures of him, that transcends this world and as I read the testimonies to his life and art, I feel a presence that has been released that has a wisdom to guide anyone available to the possibility that a spirit can fly without physical form. There are so many ways of being. He struggled with this one. He has moved on to another. Hard for those left behind, I cannot even begin to imagine, but for those he can now touch, remarkable!
06/06/2010 at 5:21 am
Thank you for sharing your experiences with the rest of the world and for allowing this blog to be public. I now feel I know a little bit more about who Henry was and what he meant to those who loved him dearly.
This also spotlights the terrors of addiction and that it’s grip can wrap tightly around anyone – those who come from supportive and enriched families, and well as those who come from less fortunate backgrounds. Addiction is not a respector of boundaries or age or loving families.
I’m sorry that you’ve had to fight this fight in the public arena with authorities just to get basic answers, only to have those statements bring about more frustration and confusion.
We will continue to support you. We will remember your pain.
06/06/2010 at 5:30 am
…Henry’s brother Elliot and sisters Jane and Charlotte, as well as the new baby sister who will soon join our family….
this is where i lost it — “our family” — that is indeed quite a legacy he leaves you and especially his brother and sisters.
i’m just so sad for all of you. prayers and love. marta
06/06/2010 at 5:43 am
Beautiful papa. Thank you for sharing this. I am in awe of the gifts Henry bestowed in a too brief period of time.
06/06/2010 at 5:46 am
Henry’s days of walking among us have waned – he is a speck on our horizons, still there on the radar but not near enough to touch and bring you solace. Ironically, Henry’s most important life work has only just been conceived – when it is born, and matures, it will be as beautiful and good as he.
Everyone here wishes whole heartedly Henry was yet in your arms, under your watchful gaze – yet how odd to realize he has been shared with so many, so quickly, so positively because he is not.
Somehow, through all these horrible events, Henry has become the catalyst for change in many areas, for many people. Yet, we all wish we could have intersected our lives with yours under ANY other circumstance but this.
All the many responsibilites before you are immense. Though everyone would gladly assist you in any task, facing tomorrow while bearing your pain is one none of us can carry – though many would volunteer certainly.
Rest and be strong – your life’s work has only just begun, too.
06/06/2010 at 6:35 am
Absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking. With family who express themselves so eloquently, it’s no wonder Henry was such a sweet soul. Rest assured that he will never be forgotten.
06/06/2010 at 6:44 am
What a beautifully heartbreaking piece to read, I cannot imagine having to write it. Henry’s entire family is still in my thoughts. I know I can’t carry any of your pain for you, but I will remember it and hope that’s enough.
06/06/2010 at 6:48 am
this is beautiful I cannot fathom the depth of grief you & Henry’s father are going through right now I am praying for the entire family
06/06/2010 at 7:38 am
Beautiful words. I cannot imagine the courage it took to put them together, much less read them aloud in front of all of those people. My heart breaks for you. May you find the peace and comfort needed to move forward in the days ahead.
I pray that you will get the justice for Henry that he so very much deserves.
Love from Minnesota.
06/06/2010 at 8:20 am
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06/06/2010 at 8:21 am
What a beautiful tribute to your beautiful boy. May your extended family find strength in one another during this time.
06/06/2010 at 10:09 am
beautiful words from a father. henry was so loved. thank you for sharing.
06/06/2010 at 10:20 am
I wept throughout this. In the midst of unspeakable pain you are behaving with incredible grace and strength. It takes such courage and compassion to be sharing your story and starting a memorial fund, both of which will help other families immeasurably and in ways you will probably never even know about. I have no doubt that Henry knew just how well he was loved.
06/06/2010 at 10:43 am
We also wept, but agreeing with Laura, Chris delivered Henry’s Eulogy with such grace. I know he almost couldn’t make it through, and then gathered his strenth, probably from Henry, and said the most beautiful remembrance I’ve ever heard. It really healed our hearts. We will share this with Max someday soon, when he is ready. Love, Vicki, David, Louie, Stephanie.
06/06/2010 at 11:31 am
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us.
06/06/2010 at 11:46 am
Crying more tears for Henry and all of you and all of us who could be where you are. This is such a beautiful tribute. I will read it to my teenagers who may need reminding that, no matter how bleak it may appear, their lives already mean so much more than they know.
06/06/2010 at 12:47 pm
This is so touching, Chris, our heartfelt sympathy and love to you, Katie, the kids, and all who will miss Henry so much.
06/06/2010 at 1:43 pm
I have never heard such a beautiful tribute to someone in my life. It is obvious how much Henry is loved. I am so glad your family has become stronger and will be able to cherish Henry’s life together in the years to come. I think of you daily and pray for you often. God Bless.
06/06/2010 at 3:23 pm
An absolutely beautiful tribute to Henry. Thank you for reprinting it here and thank you to Chris for writing it, and sharing your son with us so wonderfully.
I always felt like, having watched the kids grow up in photos all these years and through stories and anecdotes from both Katie and Jon, that I probably knew more “trivia” about H, J & E than I did a lot of my friends from HS & college’s kids. But I learned even more delightful things about Henry’s personality today with this. Thank you.
06/06/2010 at 3:52 pm
Heartbreaking and beautiful. I’ve been reading your blog long enough to know about the hard feelings that existed between you and Chris after your divorce. When you wrote on Mother’s Day that the only reason you remembered it was Mother’s Day was because Chris and Melissa left you flowers and a sweet note, I hoped that I wasn’t letting myself read too much into it. Clearly I wasn’t.
Like Marta, I was so moved that Chris spoke of the “new baby sister who will soon join our family.” May this healing of the rift between you be one of Henry’s greatest legacies. There’s a long road ahead. I’m glad you’ll all be traveling it together.
06/06/2010 at 4:45 pm
So beautiful and telling tribute to your wonderful son. God Bless you.
06/06/2010 at 7:33 pm
That was incredibly moving; a beautiful tribute for a beautiful soul. I wanted to let you know that I have been thinking a lot about Henry the past few days. I pray that he is now experiencing God’s peace, and I pray the same for the rest of your family as well. I plan on contributing to the scholarship fund. Peace to you.
06/06/2010 at 9:37 pm
A moving tribute. I hope that we can all learn to from Henry’s example to be more open to the fun in our everyday lives, and from Henry’s parents to encourage that kind of creativity in our children. My heart broke for you on Monday, and I continue to greive for a family I only know through the computer. My thoughts are with you all.
06/06/2010 at 10:21 pm
Oh, Katie. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry for your loss.
06/06/2010 at 10:38 pm
I re-read this beautiful eulogy tonight and through tears, I couldn’t help laughing out loud, either. The part about his terrible taste in food and all the tales about his prankster nature and his jokes are just hysterical.
I’m hoping that memories like those will see you all through and bring some comfort and laughter through tears.
06/06/2010 at 10:44 pm
I don’t know you or your family. But, I’ve read your blog for many years. The eulogy your ex-husband wrote is absolutely beautiful. What struck me when I was reading it is how similar his description of Henry seemed to be to your description of your father–both idealists in a less-than-ideal world.
May God give strength to you and your family.
06/07/2010 at 9:24 am
That must have been so, so hard for him to deliver. It paints a wonderful and descriptive picture of Henry.
06/07/2010 at 12:35 pm
This makes me feel that I knew Henry, and made me wish that I really had. Just beautiful
06/07/2010 at 1:38 pm
Simply amazing. Beautiful, funny, touching, perfect.
06/09/2010 at 1:06 pm
This is absolutely beautiful. I’m speechless.
Thank you for sharing it with us.
Elizabeth
06/10/2010 at 7:27 am
I re-read this beautiful eulogy tonight and through tears, I couldn�t help laughing out loud, either. The part about his terrible taste in food and all the tales about his prankster nature and his jokes are just hysterical.
I�m hoping that memories like those will see you all through and bring some comfort and laughter through tears.
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