I never thought in a million years that I would want to have a scheduled c-section for one of my babies. I did have a c-section with my last birth, but it wasn’t something I planned. This time, until Henry’s hospitalization, I had decided with my doctor to try for a vbac – allowing myself to go into labor naturally and then only ending up with a c-section if things didn’t go as planned. But I really can’t deal with any more uncertainty right now; I need to see and touch and hold my baby as soon as it’s safe to meet her. So I am trying not to feel guilty about the new plan my doctor and I have decided on, which is an amnio on July 12th to check her lung maturity (she will be 37.5 weeks then) and a c-section on the 13th if she looks ready.
I definitely have moments of feeling like I am not putting the baby first with this plan – that I am putting my own emotional needs first – but I also really feel like I have hit my limit when it comes to coping with stuff. I need to not be pregnant any more. I need to meet my baby, and see that she is okay. I need to be past this place – pregnant and grieving. I need to just do one thing at a time, and I can’t stop being heartbroken about losing my child. I can’t change that or speed it up or plan for it. So I am making the choice to plan for a c-section on my own timetable. Maybe it’s a selfish decision, but it makes me feel like I have some small measure of control in a situation that is largely beyond my control, and my doctor, whom I really trust, supports me in my choice.
So in less than three weeks (or sooner if baby G has her own plans), I will give birth to my new daughter, my fifth child. In the space of two months, I will have gone from actively mothering two sons and two daughters to mothering one son and three daughters. Even as I am living it, I still can’t comprehend a change that profound happening that quickly. It’s all too fast, too much.
Tectonic plates moving, shifting – new continents being created by force.
I miss my baby. I miss him so much.
64 Responses to “Planning for a seismic shift”
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Katie: Be kind to yourself. I’ve had four c-sections — the last one when I was 46 — I was out of the hospital in three days. Right now, please just show yourself some kindness. You know, if your doctor didn’t think this was a good idea, he wouldn’t go along with it. Thoughts, prayers, G-d bless.
No one’s choice, other than your own, matters even one iota. You do what you need to do for you, and it will be the right choice for the baby too.
Many blessings to you, Katie. I haven’t commented before but add me as one more person thinking, praying and supporting you from afar.
I’m not going to comment on the planned c-section. But 37.5 weeks is awfully early. If you have your dates wrong, she could be premature and have trouble after delivery.
Do what your trusted doctor tells you to do, amnio and all. That’s what you need right now. And 37.5 weeks is NOT premature.
What is emotionally better for you is what is best for G.
Hugs.
Marta from Lisbon, Portugal
You ARE putting the baby first.
At this point doing what is best for you IS doing what is best for Baby G. You have already said that “if she is ready” you will have the c-section. You aren’t hurting her by making this decision. You are trying to be the best Mom you can be to all of your children.
I am praying for your strength in this whole horrific situation.
Please do not feel like you are being selfish. Sometimes to be the best mother, we must take care of ourself first.
Not a selfish decision but one you need. Your daughter will not even know that you choice to go this way but remember all the love your family gave her. You need to not be so hard on yourself. We can only do so much, we are not superhumans and really who cares what others may think? They don’t know how you feel.
Heya…
One thing you have not done before is try to take care of smaller kids when recovering from a cesarean, and often a second cesarean is harder to recover from than a primary.
I would strongly strongly recommend you look into postpartum recovery assistance… not only the “take it easy and have other people do laundry for you” advice, or the postpartum doula advice (both of which are excellent) but stuff like pelvic floor physical therapy (to put your internal organs back where they belong), maya and arvigo massage after 6 weeks (to break up the adhesions), lymphatic drainage massage (to help your skin around the scar and to help your body deal with the fluid retention).
If you’d like to talk about more specifics, cesarean recovery is kind of one of my passions, and I’m happy to chat.
Doula, baby nurse for a month if you can?
Bond, heal, rest — without overdoing it physically when you are already tapped out.
How is it selfish to have the baby by scheduled c-section? Esp after prior c-section. It sounds like a grand plan to this reader.
Give yourself a break, dear Katie.
Anything you do which is good for your mental health is going to be good for that new baby, who is going to need her mama. If you trust your doc and he’s on board, I say rest easy on this one.
I am thinking of you often and wishing you all freedom from suffering.
You are in my thoughts, and what is right for YOU and supported by your doctor is the right decision. Don’t second-guess yourself.
Perhaps they can do a sonogram, too, to check her size.
My son, born at 37 weeks due to my high blood-pressure issues, was a bit on the small side, had trouble nursing, and had jaundice that required treatment. In retrospect, I wished he’d had just a little longer to “bake” to avoid the nursing and jaundice issues.
I had to say goodbye to my terminally ill father on the day my son was born, and my father died four days later. While it’s not at all the same as losing a son, I know a few others who have been grieving while caring for a newborn. It is challenging, but in the end the ability to bring forth new life in the midst of sorrow is a blessing and a distraction from such intense sorrow. As you know, it’s hard to think about much else while caring for a newborn and other children!
You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
You are not making a selfish choice. VBAC’s are not allowed by the hospital here because they are so extremely dangerous. Aside from making a choice that makes it easier on you, with your stress level I would guess labor and natural delivery could become a really serious problem for you. I think you’ve made the safer choice for all involved. ((((HUGS))))
@Steph – VBACs aren’t “extremely dangerous” (check the latest NIH conference, or ICAN etc. for stats) – as Katie has said, she and her doctor had decided on trying one before Henry was hospitalised.
Katie, I wish you, your baby and your family the best.