I have almost no milk. I am pumping, resting as much as is feasible given the fact that I have other children, and trying to nurse as often as I can, and still….nothing. I have never had ANY supply issues, so this is a shock.
I know, I know (really, I know )….fenugreek, oatmeal, skin to skin, kangaroo, babywearing, cosleeping, SNS, reglan, (actually can’t take that because I’ve had a bad reaction to it before ….still no milk.
My neighbor who just had a baby has kindly given me some of her extra pumped milk and another friend has offered too. It’s strange to be in this position because in the past, I’ve been the one offering extra milk to friends with breastfeeding problems.
Apparently, it is not unheard of for women who have suffered a terrible loss – like, say, the loss of a child – or who are in the midst of stressful natural disasters to lose their milk supply.
Thankfully, Baby G is taking the bottle fine and seems to be gaining and growing, but DAMN. I never could have predicted this particular collateral damage. I am trying to strike a balance between trying as hard as I can to fix this problem and at the same time, relaxing and enjoying my baby, even if I am having to give her a bottle at the moment.
I know there are things left to try, and I will. But I sure wish I didn’t have to. The great thing about breastfeeding for me (beyond the fact that it’s vitally important to my babies’ health) is that it’s just so damn easy compared to the alternatives. No mixing or carrying or chilling of anything. And I tend to be pretty lazy in general, so I’ve enjoyed the lazy factor that has come with breastfeeding. But not this time. Everything is different this time.
In other news, I think C has the beginnings of hand, foot & mouth disease, following in the footsteps of her cousin NC, who is currently recuperating from the aforementioned virus. C had a high fever all night. Oh, and last night at 3am, while I was up feeding G, I turned on a show called “Raising Sextuplets” for about 20 minutes, after which I felt a lot better rested. Just watching those folks manage one year old sextuplets (while also working full time) completely wore me out. Yikes.
I know that people can mean well when they say "Your baby will do fine on formula, you don't have to beat yourself up, you can quit breastfeeding if you want to" without realizing that these are probably the *last* words a new mom wants to hear. I certainly didn't. I wanted to hear people say, "I know how much you want to breastfeed successfully. I will help you make that work." And then offer whatever help they can. Over the internet, that might not be much. But what I came to offer is to connect you with my friend, a local doula named Althea, that makes an AMAZING nursing tea that has helped a bunch of moms we know dramatically increase their supply and rescue their nursing relationship, regardless the issue that is causing the low supply. Please, contact her. I really hope this can help. http://www.tendergiftsdoula.com
I know that you already know what to do when breastfeeding isn't beginning well and that you will continue to do everything within your power to make it work. I'm not going to give you a lot of platitudes about how G will be okay on formula, even though she will if it comes to that. I think this is more about the fact that what should come easily to you – something on which you've based a significant part of your career – is now yet another situation of pain and struggle and potential loss when you've recently had so much of that. I will say a prayer that things will get a little easier soon and that, whatever the outcome of this particular roadblock, you can be gentle on yourself and focus on loving that sweet baby.
Katie, I live in Greene Co and I have some milk stored in the freezer that my son cannot use–it was pumped prior to discovering his dairy allergy and so it is not safe for him. It would make me so very happy to gift it to you and Georgia, if it's not too weird taking it from a stranger. Please email me and we'll work out how to get it to you.
And as a CLC, whether you have milk or not, are you still going to latch her on, and maybe use an SNS? I wonder if it wouldn't still come in or if you both could get some of the non-nutritive benefits of nursing.
So what happened?
katie,
no words can express how deeply your story has touched me…so i won't try other than to say that you are an amazingly strong woman for both surviving this terrible tragedy and sharing your story.
on the milk front – have you tried domperidone? it is an alternative to reglan (which many folks have a tough time with) i also lost most of my milk due to a stressful event (although not even in the same universe as what you are going through) and it worked wonders!
also just wanted to say – that baby G will be good no matter whether you continue to breastfeed or not. it can be soooo hard that it sucks all the other sweet, baby goodness right out of you…so just do what feels right for you.
sending all the strength i have to spare to you and your family.
rebecca