Comments on: One Very Angry Toddler

By: Kathy

Kathy — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 22:54:34 +0000

I like the circling the wagons idea, too, even as the thought of trying to do it makes me a little itchy and twitchy.

All of our tantrums here are met with hugs lately, and we haven’t had half the stress you’ve been under.

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 15:35:10 +0000

I don’t have any real advice, but I just wanted to say that I think you’re amazing. You just seem so thoughtful and introspective, in a situation where many people wouldn’t be able to (and rightly so!). The thing that struck me the most is that when your sister told you that you were being too snappy, you listened, and took it to heart. That’s quite something, to be able to question yourself and take advice like that, without being defensive.
Bless you.

By: Elsbeth

Elsbeth — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 13:10:16 +0000

I think you are being too hard on yourself when you say that your toddler is acting up because of everything that has happened. Maybe. Or maybe it is just that time in a toddler’s life when they start trying out that kind of behavior. Just remember that if you snap at her, she’ll learn to respond with anger. It is quite scary that some children never get over the birth of a sibling, but most of them do come around. I find it useful to treat problems as stages a child passes through, rather than as a new and permanent state of being to root out. So, don’t worry about her suddenly becoming a horrible brat, because she won’t.

By: Lindsay

Lindsay — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 12:12:25 +0000

My daughter was born on Mother’s Day, 2 months shy of my son’s 3rd birthday. At first my son didn’t want to go near me when I was holding the baby. With time he was oksay with it and wanted to hold her, help burp her, and tells her she’s cute and kisses her all the time. But when he wakes up from naps, he has awful tantrums! I have learned how to handle his, talk calmly, distraction (sometimes a favorite TV show works)but my husband gets frustrated because he isn’t home for most of them and can’t handle them. These tantrums didn’t start until after the baby was born. This past Sunday, he had an awful one in Church right before the baby’s Christening. Thankfully a good friend took him out of the church and calmed him down. Looking back, I’m wondering if he was upset that the focus was on her at the time and not on him. I don’t think my family and friends believed me when I was telling them about his tantrums, until this past Sunday when he showed everyone!

I think we just need to be patient and give the older ones extra attention, which I have been doing. I know my son loves his sister, but can understand his frustration at times because now he has to wait his turn if I’m with the baby.

By: Erin

Erin — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 11:45:56 +0000

I’ve got a barely 4 yr old and an almost 2yr old and a 10 wk old, and I’ve been really struggling with the 2 yr old. I am ‘Bad Mummy’ for changing her diaper or giving the green sippy instead of the pink. She’s started pinching and hitting her older sister and she’s quite angry with me, as I appear to be the one responsible for the appearance of the youngest. Which means she screams for Daddy whenever I put my foot down. It can be embarrassing and quite frankly, it hurts my feelings, but that’s not really important.

Your circumstances are different, more complex. Your C has more on her very little plate, and I’m not sure how you should handle it. But I know you’re aware that as a parent, your job is to keep the rails lovingly in place around her. I continue with my little girl to require appropriate behaviour for her age from her, and do my best to distract from the tantrums, remind of the right behaviour, ignore the worst when she is so far into meltdown that she’s unreachable, and be there to help her move past ot once it’s over. And I’d be lying if I said there weren’t time-outs involved every now and again.

My best to you and your family.

Oh, and re the milk supply- don’t forget in all the business and difficulty to drink LOTS of water.

Unending patience and love and guidance of a firm hand to lead her.

By: julia

julia — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 09:28:21 +0000

hi again katie – that last little note was cut short sorry by my own tantruming toddler! (we’re in the UK so it’s morning now – I think its the middle of the night with you). I just wanted to add that I think the HandinHand approach totally validates your own intuition that your beautiful little girl C’s tantrums etc. are actually her emotionally healing in the best/only way she knows how – releasing the stress from her little body through tears/physically thrashing etc. Because yes, as you said, she has been through so very, very much recently, more than imaginable (as have you too, of course) and that needs to find an emotional release, with loving support, so she can begin to heal. Patty Wipfler (if you can get the cds she has such a nurturing voice it soothes me to just listen) is also, i’ve found, so very supportive of the emotional needs of the parent who is emotionally supporting the child – we could all do perhaps (not only little ones) with strong, unconditionally loving arms around us sometimes as we fully feel our tears and fears and our grief. What you yourself, as well as C and the rest of your family, have been through these last months is just so very much for anyone to emotionally bear – but there you are still able to see ‘through’ your little girl’s tantrums with compassion and love to what they really are… you still have so much love and care to give even in your own grief and need for love and care – that’s what an amazing and beautiful mother you are. with love julia

By: julia

julia — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 08:26:43 +0000

hi katie – have you come across Hand in Hand/Patty Wipfler’s work with babies’ and childrens’ emotional storms and tantrums etc. she calls it ‘stay listening’? (www.handinhandparenting.org) – i’ve found it to be the most loving and nurturing and also incredibly powerful and effective way to deal with tears and tantrums and the release of emotional stress so, once released, children can return to being their true beautiful selves once again.

By: The Muser

The Muser — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 06:49:36 +0000

oops, should say “in case it’s helpful.”