Parenting moments in time
Posted on 07/03/2010 12:10 pm by kagranju
This morning I got a package from one of my clients – a large company. I opened it up, thinking that it was likely a baby gift of some kind because this company is full of incredibly thoughtful people whom I consider friends. But instead, this is what I found inside:
It took me a moment to figure out what I was looking at, but when I did, I sank to my knees and began crying ….and crying…and crying – huge salty tears that wouldn’t stop. I cried for my baby, for the time we had together and the time we will never have together, and for all the small moments of parenting him that seemed so inconsequential at the time, but were in fact the most important moments of my life as his mother.
What this is is a section of drywall cut out of the wall of the little house where Henry, J, E and I lived for several years after my divorce from their dad but before I met and married Jon. Like many parents, I marked my children’s heights on the wall of our house each year, and apparently, when we moved out of the house, we left the annual growth notes I’d made on the walls.
Several years after we moved from our little house – a wonderful home that we all loved and enjoyed very much – I realized that the person who had bought it was an employee of one of my clients – someone with whom I now work closely on various projects. He and I have talked several times at various work-related meetings about how much I loved the house and how happy I am that he loves it just as much.
After Henry died on May 31st, this wonderful guy, James noticed that Henry’s growth marking with the date I’d made still existed on the wall of his house, so he cut it out of the wall, had it beautifully framed along with a measuring tape that shows how tall Henry was on 12/23/05, and had it sent to me.
This incredibly thoughtful keepsake is now undoubtedly the most special memory of Henry that I have. I can’t stop looking at it, and closing my eyes and remembering Henry at 14, the year that I wrote that mark and date on the wall. If someone had told me that less than five years later, my sweet, beloved Henry would be dead of a drug related brain injury, I would have found that prediction as far fetched as if someone had suggested that he would grow a set of wings and learned to fly by age 18. It simply wasn’t possible. He was just a child – a child who was so proud to have finally hit 5 feet tall on that day I stood him against the wall to measure and mark his height for posterity.
Thank you James. Thank you SO MUCH for allowing me to have this memory of my son, which I know involved some significant hassle on your part because you actually cut this out of your wall. I will treasure this forever in a way that I am not sure I can even describe. I miss Henry so much.
This is our little house, where we were very, very happy. Lots of great memories there.
Here are Henry and E in front of the house, when Henry was 14 and Elliot was 7.
07/03/2010 at 12:34 pm
What an amazing keepsake and memory of Henry. I’m just so impressed by your friend, James, that he thought of this. Thanks for sharing.
07/03/2010 at 12:34 pm
What a wonderful treasure for you. What thoughtful, loving people you have surrounding you.
07/03/2010 at 12:35 pm
That is incredible! Wow. I have a huge, unwieldy measuring thing screwed into the wall for my kids–for just this reason, so I can take it with me if/when we move, so I won’t lose the memories. What a wonderful thing your friend did for you, so touching. Love, love to you, Katie.
07/03/2010 at 12:35 pm
So glad for you that someone understood that he could, and did, do this for you.
That has to be the kindest, most thoughtfully sincere gesture I have ever seen. You wouldn’t believe it if you read it in a book, it’s that lovely.
Also, did you know that you had Henry for about 158,000 hours? That’s a lot of hours to remember.
07/03/2010 at 12:36 pm
Without a doubt, one of the most thoughtful and unusual gifts I’ve ever come across. I hope when you see this classy gentleman, you’ll give him a hug for me.
And now I must go find a hankie to wipe away my own huge salty tears.
07/03/2010 at 12:39 pm
People are so damn good.
07/03/2010 at 12:47 pm
Wow…just wow! Like CJ said…people are so damn good!
07/03/2010 at 12:50 pm
That’s so beautiful and kind and empathetic and thoughtful and warm. What a wonderful family you are to spark this kind of beauty in others.
07/03/2010 at 12:53 pm
That is one of the most wonderful, thoughtful, loving gifts I’ve ever seen.
07/03/2010 at 12:55 pm
My word! That’s about the most thoughtful thing I have ever heard of, besides the room re-do!
07/03/2010 at 12:58 pm
I am utterly overwhelmed and cannot wait to see and touch and hold it. Thank you thank you thank you for such an act of unbelievable kindness.
07/03/2010 at 1:06 pm
That is the most beautiful, thoughtful gift I think I have ever seen. I am sure you will treasure this forever.
07/03/2010 at 1:13 pm
What a heartbreaking and heartwarming post. Such a lovely thing for James to do. Beautiful and sad.
07/03/2010 at 1:16 pm
Wow, what a beautiful, beautiful treasure!
07/03/2010 at 1:23 pm
James must be an incredible person, both to have realized what this would mean to you and then to actually do it.
07/03/2010 at 1:35 pm
I agree with Leslie (and everyone else). You have wonderful friends……what a treasure they are……what a treasure this gift us. Oh my.
07/03/2010 at 1:40 pm
It’s like Henry, even now, brings so much kindness into your world/the world it’s mind boggling & heart opening. So tender.
07/03/2010 at 1:50 pm
WOW. Wow. Wow.
And bravo to your friend for a stunner of a great idea and perfect execution.
And the kindness and knowhow to actually CUT A PIECE OF HIS WALL. I’m in awe all around.
07/03/2010 at 1:54 pm
Wow. No other words. Just…wow
07/03/2010 at 2:22 pm
OK, I’m not an emotional sort. But damn. Katie, I’d think this is something I’ll keep forever, although I don’t know if I’d want it around right away. But I don’t have any kids — it’s totally a knee-jerk reaction. Wow. Totally thoughtful; very emotion producing.
07/03/2010 at 3:15 pm
Made me tear up, Katie.
07/03/2010 at 3:38 pm
What a wonderful colleague, so thoughtful to give you this type of memento for posterity.
I remember reading your blog when you decided to pull out all the manicured shrubs and plant that wild little garden for you and your sweet children to enjoy
07/03/2010 at 3:45 pm
When you lose someone so precious the mundane items that remind you of that person become like holy relics. The pain is so raw and the desperation so deep that you grasp at things that in other circumstances would be thrown away. Katie, I am so deeply sorry for your loss but rejoice in Georgis’s arrival.
07/03/2010 at 4:39 pm
So very, very thoughtful and generous. I’m so glad you have this special gift. I’m sure the giver of it knows you’ll treasure it forever. So beautiful.
07/03/2010 at 5:42 pm
Bless James and a gift that I hope will sustain you in the months (nay years) ahead as you fondly remember your darling Henry. Out of great loss, sometimes there is great beauty. What an amazingly beautiful thing to do to honor Henry.
07/03/2010 at 6:46 pm
I have never known of a more thoughtful gift. AMAZING!
07/03/2010 at 6:47 pm
Wow, what a thoughtful and touching gift. James is not only creative, but has a heart of gold.
07/03/2010 at 6:59 pm
I can’t even describe how this made ME feel. This is just such a lovely thing to do for someone.
07/03/2010 at 8:10 pm
You should hang it at the correct height.
07/03/2010 at 8:41 pm
Oh James — “stars in your crown” for doing this for Katie and family! Just incredibly kind and profound.
07/03/2010 at 9:24 pm
You are an amazing woman. To be able to even try to move on after losing a child is so much
more than I could even wrap my heart around. Your new baby is beautiful and you know
that Henry will always look out for his baby sister. Your pain is every Mother’s fear.
Every Mother who loves her children feels your pain of your loss and the joy of your
new baby. I think everyone admires your courage, strength, and ability to remain sane.
May your family find relief from pain and lots of joy with your new baby.
07/03/2010 at 9:26 pm
Katie, I keep thinking about all of the time that we spent sitting on the floor in the sunroom of your house in Rocky Hill while Henry and Dylan were _so_ busy. And that amazing party you threw for mine and Chris’ birthdays, when H&D took the little red wagon for an adventure down the hill. And then I flash back to when we were both pregnant and didn’t really know one another but kept being mistaken for each other.
I cannot conceive of your loss–but you know how much joy I found in Henry–I loved him, and it’s hard to accept that the world won’t get any more of his gifts. But I feel lucky for all of us–in our prior family incarnations–to have had such wonderful times. Your children are absolutely beautiful, and I admire the way you are making them a priority in this bad time. Congratulations to you and your husband on your little one– Love, Tracy J
07/03/2010 at 9:40 pm
Wonderful. It’s neat to reflect back on some of the most significant and happiest times in our lives. Many of the fondest memories we have aren’t spent in the most lavish places, but in the most heart-felt.
Cute little home. Reminds me of my grandmother’s house.
07/03/2010 at 11:20 pm
What a thoughtful gift and a treasure for sure. Glad you were given a good memory.
07/03/2010 at 11:46 pm
This is probably the most touching story that I have heard in a long while. What an absolute thoughtful gesture for this man to make. It just goes to show that there are still genuinely thoughtful and kind people out there. My heart goes out to you.
07/04/2010 at 8:23 am
This was one of the most moving and touching stories I have read in a long time. When I’m feeling cynical about people I am going to remember this and know that there are some real gems out there. Thanks for sharing.
07/04/2010 at 10:02 am
My lord. James is a true mensch. Bless him. My eyes teared up at this and I’m not an easy weep.
I love hearing that your kids’ step-mom helped with G’s room. What a wonderful person she must be. I’m glad you are surrounded with love, some from unexpected places.
07/04/2010 at 10:54 am
That is such a beautiful and thoughtful gift. I’m so glad you have it too. I am crying for you and your family too.
07/04/2010 at 2:27 pm
What an amazingly beautiful gift! I have no words…just tears.
07/05/2010 at 11:27 am
Oh Honey, what a priceless gift that was. I can’t stop swallowing over this huge lump in my throat. The tears just keep coming for your pain.
07/06/2010 at 11:08 am
I work in the cube right behind James…who knew he was this super-sweet?
07/06/2010 at 4:50 pm
What an amazing gift. I know that grief is strong and this will hopefully help ease that pain.
07/06/2010 at 7:05 pm
I just came across this post on Stumble Upon. I’ve never seen this blog before and am not one of your regular followers, but I just HAD to comment. This post brought me to tears. I am so very sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine losing one of my kids. My oldest just turned 18 and I worry about him constantly, along with my other 3 of course. may you find peace with this, and God bless that wonderful man for doing such a wonderful thing for you. I too would consider this my most treasured keepsake. HUGS
07/06/2010 at 9:22 pm
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I found your site by Stumbling and you’ve moved me to tears. Peace to you.
07/06/2010 at 10:08 pm
That is the most amazing gift I have ever seen.
07/06/2010 at 11:21 pm
Also a Stumbler. That is the sweetest and saddest thing I’ve ever seen. And a precious gift – both being a mother to Henry for 18 short years, and the framed measurements.
07/07/2010 at 4:27 pm
I have been reading your posts, and have cried over many of them, as the mother of a Henry. This post made me sob, out loud, at work. My Henry is eight, and we have a wall just like this in our little house where we live together after my divorce from his father. I ache for you, Katie. My Henry and I send you love, and peace, and faith.
07/09/2010 at 1:03 pm
You know, people can suck sometimes and then somebody does something as imaginative and thoughtful as this and it gives me hope that we don’t live in such a horrible world afterall. James, you rock.
07/09/2010 at 1:58 pm
That is one of the most thoughtful things i have ever seen and i am sure you will cherish it forever. This gift you got enforces the true goodness of people and the human spirit.
07/10/2010 at 4:36 pm
Oh. wow.
I’m in tears.
Proof that there are some amazing people in the world.
07/13/2010 at 11:04 pm
I envy you for your friends. Mine ran away from me when I lost my baby, not knowing what to say and not realizing they mostly had to listen.
I thank you for your post. In a world that seems a bit colder each year, stories of such deep friendship and support should inspire people to similar things.
07/14/2010 at 1:08 pm
Wow. I just cried at work.. Good thing I have tall cube walls.
Bravo James, you are a good person to do this for them.
Katie, for what’s it’s worth.. You’re story and what we’ve all experienced with you since Henry’s passing has definitely made me a better husband, parent, brother, uncle, and son.
I still pray for you and your family daily that God holds your hands and guides you through all of this..
07/14/2010 at 11:45 pm
I love this. I can’t express how much I love this for you–and for all of us reading this. Sometimes the beauty of people stuns and awes me. I want to meet James–to know this person who has that kind of heart. I am crying reading this–tears for the kindess that surrounds you. Love to you Katie–and to James!