My grandmother is dying. She’s at home in Bell Buckle; she doesn’t want to go to the hospital, and I’m glad. A priest is coming today to give her communion. She’s ready to go, to be free. She has been ready to move on for a while now, but she really wants to die now that Henry has died. She told me two weeks ago that she will take care of Henry for me until I get there – wherever “there” is. I know she will.
I was her firstborn grandchild, and Henry was her firstborn great grandchild. She and I have always been exceptionally close – and I am more like her in temperament, talents and quirky shortcomings than I am like anyone else. My parents used to call me “little Nancy.” She and Henry were also very, very close. He would sit on her lap for hours while she told him stories and read history and poetry to him. They adored one another. His descent into addiction broke her heart and his death was a beyond-terrible blow to her.
I am trying to figure out when to go to Bell Buckle to make sure I get to say goodbye. I am very busy at work, but I don’t want to wait too long. I don’t know if I should wait until I finish the work week or ask my employer if I can go sooner. We’ve already canceled G’s christening, which was supposed to take place on Sunday, as well as the post-christening luncheon we were hosting. But I just don’t know when I should leave Knoxville to go back to Bell Buckle. I feel kind of overwhelmed by the decision.
I know it will be very hard for me to once again – so soon after losing Henry – sit with someone I adore as she dies. Of course, this time, the person in question is in her 90s, and has had a full and wonderful life. She is 100% accepting of her imminent death, and isn’t frightened in the least. But from a purely selfish perspective, I know the experience of being with someone I love as she prepares to die will make those last days with Henry all come rushing back to me. And that won’t be easy. It’s only been 5 months.
Here’s a slideshow I put together last year with photos spanning my grandmother’s remarkable life and career. My favorite is the one of her with Julie Andrews, sharing a beer.
Created with Admarket’s flickrSLiDR.
What remarkable pictures, Katie. I would love to know more about her and the life she lead. Thinking of you as you prepare to say goodbye to a treasured family member.
I am so sorry for more pain for you, my dear. I do have a question, though. As I am looking at these pictures, clearly she kept some very famous company. What did your grandmother do? I hope that my grandchildren look back at pictures of me as fondly as I am imaging you do with your grandma.
I am so sorry for you and your family. I hope you and your family draw strength from your good memories.
I am so sorry.
I don't think we ever reach a point where we are prepared to let someone we love so dearly go on. Peace be to you and your family as you go through this difficult time
She's a remarkable woman and you are so fortunate to be her granddaughter. Peace be upon her and the family. The slideshow is great, but I think my favorite photo of her is a recent one with Jon reading to her.
My word, she knows so many people! What a wonderful life she's had…I hope you can go to her soon.
Wow, what an amazing slideshow! Like Julie, I would also like to know more about her life….My grandmother passed away this summer at the age of 93, and she lived in another state. I wasn't able to be with her or go to her furneral because of work, and I will live with that regret the rest of my life!
Thanks for sharing the remarkable pictures. Oh the stories your grandma could tell. God bless her and your family. She will always be with you and huge part of who you are. Warm thoughts and feelings will always fill your mind when you think of her. So sorry for you to have to go through this right now.
You know I'm thinking of you and your family. I never met your Grandmother, but I've always loved your tales of her adventures.
I hope when she gets "there" she can enjoy another beer with Elvis…assuming my mom isn't hogging all his attention.
What a fascinating, interesting, probably funny lady.
Goodbye to her and Gods Speed to the rest of us who one day get to enjoy her and Henry and our other missed ones again. Prayers continue for you, Katie.
Sitting with her with old movie music playing. These were her good friends for many years. Probably her two favorites were Elvis and "Duke " Wayne. I have a funny letter he wrote to her after sheretired and moved to Tennessee. It's signed "Duke"
Thinking of you and aching of the aftershocks you are anticipating. I only hope that such a full-circle passage will soften the jagged edges that it follows.
Ask your employer, they will say yes…go be with your Grandmother.
(((Hugs)))
Peace to you and your family as you ride the waves of grief. She had a lovely life.
You should be with her when she goes. How incredibly fortunate to have lived such a long and full life and to have the chance to want to move on to another place as opposed to being scared. Don’t miss this for anything. You will regret it. Henry would want to be there and he would want you to be there too. May she go peacefully and rest in peace. I hope once she finds Henry, she gives you a sign!
Oh man, Katie, after you finish the book on Henry, your next project HAS to be a biography of your grandma.
Go, go now. You will never forgive yourself if you aree too late. Trust me, I know.
Go be with her. It's not optional.
Hugs to all of you.
What a remarkable life she had! I would have loved to have had a cup of tea with her and listened to her stories.
So sorry that you're losing another precious loved one so soon. Take care.
Pack up that lap baby and go now. The most important days of my entire life were spent with my grandmother before she died.
Go, you will never regret it.
Very deepest condolences, Katie and family.
FWIW, my favorite pic is the one with The King.
Go as soon as you can, Katie. Ask for tomorrow off.
Your grandmother sounds like she has lived an amazingly rich and full life; what stories she could tell! I hope that one day, you will tell us more about her…
My thoughts are with you and your family.
(my 7 year old daughter was most impressed by the photo with Julie Andrews)
Agree with all of the above:
GO, you will not regret it.
And when you get the chance, tell us some more about her! I was looking through and was all "that can't be robin williams" and then read your last sentence. I cannot believe all the familiar faces in there!! What did your grandmother do and how did she end up in Bell Buckle?
Go to your grandmother, the consequences of going earlier are inconvenient, the consequences of going later are regret. The former is much easier to manage than the latter.
I'm so sorry for your loss. She looks to have been a remarkable woman.
(This is my first comment after months and months of reading your blog.)
Go as soon as you possibly can. The morning my brother died from cancer, I was on my way to work. Something told me I needed to go to his house to see him. I'm not one to sit vigil, but I just felt the need to go.
It was difficult because I'd just started a new job, and had not yet shared many personal details with my new boss. I was emotional, and really didn't want that to be one of our few early exchanges.
I mustered up the nerve to call, and he was completely understanding and reassured me that there were no matters of greater importance.
I arrived a half an hour before he died.
I am forever grateful that I went, and that my new boss allowed me to do so with ease. I no longer work for him, but in a related department. I've told him a couple of times how sincerely appreciated his compassion and humanity were on that day.
do whatever you feel you need to do, for yourself right now. if going to say goodbye to your grandma would be too painful, she knows you love her, has known it her whole life. if driving to bell buckle just seems overwhelming right now, well that is fine, you just lost your own son. be very very very gentle with yourself right now, and give yourself permission to do what is best for you. Either way, grandma had a great life, a long, full rich life, and she would understand, I am sure, and want you to take care of yourself.
Katie, I'm so sorry. Your grandmother looks like an amazing woman! So many changes over the course of her life. I'll be thinking of all of you.
Go now. Don't risk her not being there this weekend. Work can be made up, they can find someone else. Only you can say goodbye.
Betty White is in there; so is Burt Lancaster and Steve McQueen. Also Sidney Poitier. What a collection! Your grandmother's life was rich with family, friends, and work. And, you are also saying, faith. Dear lady.
No grandma ever loved her grandchildren and greatgrandchildren more than she did (except maybe me). Katie was her first and her "precious baby" always. She died having heard "I love you" from each and every one, whether in person or with a telephone to her ear. She died in peace and knowing she was going to a big party with family and old friends. We actually smiled and said Henry in tie-dye, Ward in toddler clothes, my father Ray in party tux, Elvis in sequins and John Wayne in True Grit costume were there clapping and cheering her on.
My favorite photos aren't included. Both hang in her den. One is of her with John Wayne in which there is pure affection from both and another is with Imelda Marcos. Strangely, she loved the Marcos' who had her visit before their fall. There's another with Baby Doc and another with Eleanor Roosevelt. She was conflicted, I think.
Wow… what a slide show… I love her strong, square shoulders, such a powerful woman. You have a beautiful Grandmother, Katie.
After watching the slideshow again, I think your sister resembles your grandmother quite a bit.
She seems to have a glass of some sort in her hand in a lot of these pictures! Ve
Cheers to you, Katie's Grandma!!
Katie,
I know it's not easy. Your grandma will continue to love you and support you!!
Peace to you.
Even though she was ready to go, I'm sorry for your loss Katie. Just from watching the slideshow and remembering what you have written of her before, she certainly lead a fascinating life and I can only imagine the stories she had. May she be at peace.
My condolences on the passing of your grandmother.
My deepest condolences to you Katie as well as to Mama/Nanny on the passing of your beloved grandmother/mother. May she rest in peace, surrounded by those who have gone before her. May you find comfort in knowing she is with Henry now and will someday be reunited with you. My thoughts are with you.
My condolences to the entire family.
She did lead a wonderful life, didn't she! Correct me if I am wrong Mama/Nanny,
I believe she was a journalist in Hollywood.
The pic I love the most, is the one where she is a child with her mother and brother. Usually in old pics at that time No One smiled! But, the mother is smiling, looking at her daughter. The daughter is smiling looking up at mom, and so is brother! A loving family!
My deepest sympathy to you Mama/Nanny on the loss of you Mother.
xo, misha
I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm so glad that she was here for you for so long. It's truly a gift to have a grandmother when you're in your 30's and 40's and can enjoy a relationship as adults. As a kid, I was in awe of your grandmother. She was so smart and sophisticated yet she had that grandmotherly demeanor. One couldn't help but see the love that she had for you, Betsy & Robert. She will always be a part of you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. But what a wonderful life she led — those pictures are just fantastic!
My condolences to you and your family. Hers was a life well-lived, which is all anyone can ask for. A toast to her – another of many new angels in heaven!
i would love to learn more about your grandmother, what is her name, or the name she used when she was working? she sounds amazing!
I'm so sorry for your loss. She must have been a remarkable woman–I'm sure you know how fortunate you were to have her in your life for so long.
I love these pictures–I kept saying "Wait, that's Gilda Radner! Wait, Robin Williams! Jack Nicholson!" And isn't she with a very ill Rock Hudson in one? Wonderful.
But my favorite so far is of her, alone with her Underwood typewriter. What a role model for all of you…
Please accept my condolences for your loss. What a remarkable person.
I saw Robert's wife today and she said that your Grandmother passed on last night. My condolences are with you and your family. It looks, from the pictures and your stories of her, that she lives a very full, fascinating life!! I love that!!
katie, your grandmother is one of the most interesting people i've never been lucky enough to meet. i know her passing while you are still grieving for h, must be very hard. but she promised you that she would take care of h, "over there" and from what little i do know about your grandma, she doesn't make promises lightly.
i hope her passage was soft and peaceful like baby g's breath.
as always, you and your are in my thoughts tonight and i am on day 3 of a 9-day novena (roman catholic stuff) to the blessed kateri tekakwitha, the "lily of the mohawks", my patron "not-yet-saint". (her body is entombed at st francis xavier mission in kahnawake, an indian reserve in canada just outside montreal where a great portion of my family live.)