A good reminder for me as a parent:
Today, E’s school is hosting Career Day, where parent-speakers come talk about their jobs (I am one of the speakers). The middle schoolers were asked to consider wearing “professional dress” to school today, rather than their standard uniforms, to recognize the special day on campus. This wasn’t a requirement, but was encouraged by the school.
So this morning E asked me, “Mom, do you think I should wear the professional clothes or not bother? It’s not required.” I told him that it was his choice, but in my opinion, when one has the opportunity to make a good impression on others, one should take that opportunity, especially in cases like this, where it’s so easy to do.
He thought a few more minutes, saying he just couldn’t decide.
Then he came into the kitchen and said, “Mom, will you please just tell me I HAVE to do it? Sometimes I just need you to decide and tell me what I have to do so I make the right choice.”
So I did.
And I silently thanked him for the excellent reminder that sometimes when adolescents ask you for your opinion or input, they actually want your oversight and direction.
15 Responses to “Sometimes Kids Just Want to Be Told What To Do”
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Amen. As the mother of a 12yo boy, I sense that I will recall this excellent advice often in the months & years ahead. Thanks!
My 16-year-old very much wants me to tell him what to do at times. When there is no “right” answer, he struggles.
LOL! Love this! Good reminder.
Kids crave structure. On a side note, you may find this interesting and of some sort of use:
http://www.allfacebook.com/former-jets-qb-ray-lucas-chronicling-addiction-on-facebook-2011-02
Thanks for the reminder. I have one kid who easily makes decisions and another who really struggles. Sometimes the gentle nudge is enough for him, sometimes the “right decision” needs to be spelled out more clearly. He’s not quite 11 yet and I can see that this is something that we’ll be dealing with for quite some time. I love E’s honesty!
Such a good lesson! And such a smart kid for being able to figure that out and tell you!
Hey, I’m 34 and sometimes I want to be told what to do… there are a heck of a lot less people willing to tell ME what to do, though.
I still ask my Mom to decide for at times. Ha! I love her wisdom~and she is always right
E is a great kid! Thanks for sharing him with us.
xo, misha
I.love.this… great reminder
What do you mean “adolescents”? I still totally do this! I call it “outsourcing life decisions” and I do it with everything from whether I’m going to wear jeans or dress pants to work to what I’m going to eat for lunch. It frees up so much brain space. What a smart kid you’ve got!
I also like the reminder that what you said to him first, *I* would read as telling him to do it, but that’s not what he heard!
Always have told my kids though to please, use me as an excuse. If there’s something you can’t say no to directly, or can’t figure out how, blame us, your parents for it. You know, I’d love to, but my parents would kill me! Or pull out your phone and pretend we’ve texted you to call us or whatever.
My problem is that as soon as someone tells me what to do, I get all ornery and contrary. Even when I tell myself to do something!
I have to laugh at this. Professional attire? How the heck do middle schoolers know what their profession is going to be? And the assumption that they will be PROFESSIONALS who need “professional attire.” Would that be casual Friday attire, like polo shirts and Dockers for the guys, nice slacks and a sweater for the women?
You son already wears a rep tie, jacket and button down shirt to school. How much more “professional” can he get?
Very amusing to this public school employee.
I’m with jzzy55. What’s “professional attire”? Even when I didn’t work from home, my professional attire as a computer programmer was jeans, T-shirt, and maybe, if I were going all-out to look nice – not flip-flops/sandals. My father was a mechanical engineer. On the very odd occasion that he wore a suit to work, we knew it was because his day would be filled with meetings with the bigwigs from New York. His daily professional attire was khakis and short-sleeved cotton shirt – you definitely don’t want that rep tie to get caught in the paper-making machine.
Yes, my daughter reminded me of this recently – she’s younger, just 7, but was visibly relieved when I set a fairly strict limit for time playing a video game that was new in the house and that she was finding too all-consuming. She also thought she was playing too much but needed help limiting herself.
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