As of late yesterday afternoon, I am on holiday with the people I love most in the whole world, and we are all together – minus one – in my favorite, most special place on the planet – the coast of low country South Carolina.
This is my first vacation of any kind in more than two years. I missed our annual family beach trip last summer because at the time we had planned to be in South Carolina, where I am writing this tonight, I was instead back in Knoxville, spending every possible moment that I could with my dying son, who was in his final days.
Our summer family beach trips have been a tradition for more than a decade now. Every year, my younger brother, sister and I and our spouses rent a big house on the beach together. It’s a chaotic but fantastic 7 days of aunts and uncles and cousins all basking in uninterrupted family time. Our photo albums are full of year after year of our children growing up together on this beach, and along with Christmas, I think my children would tell you that this is the time of year they most look forward to.
And now here I am again in this beloved, familiar place, only this time, our family has been radically, forever altered, and I am feeling the loss even more acutely than I thought I would.
Henry is gone.
Today, as my four (there should be five) children and their seven first cousins popped in and out of the water and ran across the sand, I kept finding myself scanning the waves looking for the one who was missing. Over and over today I caught myself looking for Henry in the crowd of kids bobbing around in the ocean, maybe grabbing one of his younger cousins to throw him in the air or floating out a little farther, lying side by side next to his Aunt Betsy on a raft, the two of them deep in conversation, as they often were.
He wasn’t there. He isn’t here. He will never be here again.
But you know what? He also was nowhere to be found in the newspaper story published back in Knoxville today. The hopeless and thoroughly unsympathetic character in that story was not the actual Henry Granju, not the teenager whom those of us here at the beach tonight raised and loved from the day he arrived in the world until the day he left it.
Some of the facts in the newspaper story were accurate, while others were not. But leaving the facts of what addiction did to Henry – and led him to do – in the final months of his very brief life, the overall depiction of Henry in that story today was a sensationalized, cardboard caricature of the real human being who should be here with us at the beach.
The real teenage Henry Granju was brilliant, complicated, gentle, frustrating, hilariously funny, musically gifted, thoughtful, kind, shy, bookish, silly, anxious, and very, very, very much loved by everyone who knew him.
The hopelessly doomed junkie-slash-petty-criminal that newspaper readers met today makes for an easy-to-describe character in a narrative designed to sell copies and drive pageviews, but that’s simply not the whole story, or even a small part of the story. But introducing readers to the actual Henry Granju – perhaps through people who had known him longer than a few weeks or months – would have required going beyond the information contained in the case file recently released by the same local authorities whose agenda has been to depict my son as someone so unlikeable and disposable that no one in our community would notice or even care that those authorities have failed in their duties.
Our family has been as open as we possibly can be from the very beginning about the fact that at the time of his death, Henry was very, very sick with his addiction to drugs. In hopes that by sharing our own experience, other families struggling with addiction might be helped, we have never denied or minimized this specific aspect of Henry’s life.
But in that story today, and in the things that Knox County law enforcement and prosecutors have said and written about my boy since his death, others have denied and minimized everything else about him except his addiction. And in doing that, they’ve attempted to erase the real Henry from their consciences, and from our community’s expectations for justice and compassion.
And maybe it’s worked; if you read the hundreds of anonymous online comments accompanying that newspaper story, the real Henry has indeed disappeared, replaced by a sinister, worthless character who sounds like we’d all be better off without him around.
But whomever that person is – the one those anonymous newspaper commenters are condemning, maligning and ripping to shreds – he isn’t the one we were missing at our family dinner table tonight. That teenage boy, the real Henry Louis Granju, did not deserve what predatory, much older, and very dangerous adults did to him, and he still deserves the justice he’s yet to receive.
58 Responses to “The real Henry”
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I did not read the story in the paper (I don’t live in TN) but I can only imagine that they did not portray your Henry, the real Henry. Those stories never do. I always try to keep in mind when I’m reading stories about people who have committed crimes, especially around drugs, are only being portrayed in a way that sells papers and is sensationalistic. I remember that every addict is someone’s child. Henry’s story has been a constant reminder of that for me, and hopefully for anyone reading your blog. My heart is still with you mama, even though we’ve never met.
Media never wants to portray the person, nor the laws, nor the fact that law enforcement doesn’t enforce the laws that exist. Obviously they’re afraid of law enforcement. Don’t they know our taxes pay their salaries? Never give up! Never ever back down.
He was a sweet, sensitive, caring, funny, loving, good, kind, talented, brilliant, very worthy boy/man. That’s who he was. I hate the word “was.”
I did not know Henry personally but after reading all of the things that have been posted about him to shed light on the real Henry make me feel like I do know him very well. The emotion I feel while reading these letters is enough to know that you are telling about the real Henry. No one has, or will ever have the right to diminish his true character. Only God has the authority to judge him. I am deeply sorry for all the sadness you and the rest of the family are going through. It’s not right. People should have more compassion and realize that you and the others who loved him so deeply have enough sadness and do not need them to make it worse for you. Its a shame that the people of knoxville, the ones who live in the Bible belt and the ones who claim to be Christians cannot show any kind of respect to you or the family or Henry himself. Justice will be served in the end. Put it in God’s hands. Give Him your pain and sorrow. Listen to the song Only a Man by Johnny Lang. Allow the Lord to take the chains from your ankles. God gives, God takes. God’s name be ever blessed.
Don’t give up. Keep showing people the Henry that you know was still there struggling to be free.
I never had the privilege of knowing Henry, but I’ve been reading your blog(s) for a while now and I was shaking my head while reading the article (online). I did not read the comments because my heart hurts so much for you and your family when I do – people can be so mean with that security blanket of a computer monitor in front of them. Your readers know that Henry was and IS much more than a disposable character in a story. Please enjoy your vacation as much as you can. And remember that your fight and sharing Henry’s story has already helped more people that you will ever know about.
((peace))
I talked to my 8 year old daughter about drugs the other day. I never would have started so early if it wasn’t for you sharing your boys story. Anyone who has come across your story and taken the time to read anything you have written knows that Henry was a precious son, and that what happened to him could happen to any of our children. You have been so brave and so strong. I hope when all of this Internet meanness starts to get to you, you will remember that you have changed and saved lives with all of your efforts. And I appreciate your honesty and will always pray for justice for Henry. My daughter would have loved his long hair.
Katie, I have been reading Henry’s story, your story, since the day he died. Through your words, Henry lives as a very real person in my mind. We are all complex characters, and there are so many parts to our story, some terrible but they are not the sum of who we are. It makes my heart ache that you and your family are living without Henry, this very precious boy you tell us about. I hope that it brings you some very small comfort that through your words, so very many people know and love him too.
The opening line of that story made me cringe. Addicts and alcoholics are so much more than their disease. And the disease will lead them to do things they would never, ever do otherwise. It is so heartbreaking. I read a part in our son’s rehab journals, where he speaks of just that, how the drugs/alcohol led him to do things that he would have never done, and how much it bothered him, how much shame and guilt he felt, and how he hated them, and himself for doing it. At his visitation, two of his friends who had known him since he was 6, who had to walk away from him because of the behavior once the disease had him in its grip, came up to me. They wanted to let me know that they knew the “real Nick”, who he was before these ugly, horrible, evil substances overtook him. It was the single kindest and most appreciated thing I heard during those awful days. You and your family know who Henry was, the real Henry. That is what matters.
I know the real Henry from Katie’s blog and from comments made by his family and friends. What some sensationalistic lousy little wannabe news paper and it’s brain-fart army of vile and blissfully ignorant commenters has to say about him means nothing.
awww Katie,big hugs to you…
I just can’t wrap my head around it, that the local law enforcement wanted to portray Henry as some horrible criminal junkie who deserved to die, and that the media isn’t looking to portray the real Henry. I can’t understand why they would do that. Every time you write about Henry, it leaves me shaking my head wondering why. It’s just heartbreaking.
Beautifully stated, Katie.
the real Henry has not disappeared. He can’t. He is in how you talk about him: a brilliant kid on the verge of adulthood with some very powerful demons.
his faults will never overshadow him- at least not for anyone who reads how you talk about him.
I mean no disrespect in saying this unconventional opinion: perhaps the newspaper story helps in another way to show the horrific loss in another way. That person in the article *was* Henry, albeit, a horrendous, desperate shell of the wonderful young man you knew. By showing with relentless detail the degradation of what Henry went through, not a one can say this loss was preventable, outrageous and so sick. This is what drug addiction does, this is what a community who chooses to ignore the epidemic does, and this is what can never happen again. I think Satterfield has the best of intentions, and like a good reporter, could not restrain from the myriad of details. But I know the article must have been heartbreaking to read, and for that, I am very sorry for yet another hit.
Katie – the anonymous comments didn’t even know Henry. I’m sure this is trite and practically impossible – but try not to care what they say. You knew the real Henry and really, that’s all that matters.
There’s a reason Lady Justice wears a blindfold. It’s just so incredibly sad that the Knoxville “law” enforcement has completely forgotten that.
Anyone who can’t see their own child in your child is fundamentally broken.
I haven’t decided if I will google over to the article and read it or not. I suppose I will in the interests of trying to be objective but I don’t really want to.
Have you (I mean the readers here) ever imagined yourself as the subject of an investigation, and cringed at the thought of yourself reduced to a flat caricature, with your least attractive features highlighted? “Jzzy55, an unemployed faculty wife who should lose 20 pounds and takes anti-depressants to deal with anxiety and depression,…”.
Maybe we should all write caricatures of ourselves and send them to the paper and ask if this is the way WE would be described.
I wonder if Houser and Harper’s parents ever say the same thing – these aren’t my real children, the ones we knew before their addiction and whatever else might be going on to make them behave this way took over? Don’t get me wrong, I am not comparing Henry or my son to these people, but I do wonder things like that. Someone here recently killed 2 young people, he was drunk, driving over 100 mph, and two young lives are now gone, and two more families shattered. Well three lives, and three families, because he will be in prison for decades. And my hearts breaks for all of them. The young man who was driving drunk has an alcohol addiction, had been doing good, back to college, and relapsed. His parents are so devastated also. My friend’s friend, the mother of one of the boys who was killed, is understandably not feeling any compassion for them, or their son. He is being portrayed as a horrible monster in the papers here. But I look at his face, and I see a very very sick young man, who also was hoping to do better, wanted to do better, and made a big mistake in picking up a drink again. It is all just so sad, for everyone.
Your portraits of Henry are what I think of, no matter what I read elsewhere.
For the Knoxville/Knox County law enforcement to pick and choose which cases they pursue could be their perogative. However, all the scum that led to Henry’s demise is still out there, since law enforcement didn’t even bother to investigate his death. What they need to realize is that their children may be next, unless they are being paid off and their children, therefor, protected? I would be very careful about making deals with the devil!
I went and read it — a pathetic portrait of psychologically and physically unwell people acting badly. With all the “he said, she said” it seems impossible to tease out the truth. And then there is the question of “what IS the truth” in a situation like this.
That said it remains clear that the police failed in their duty to interview Henry (their excuses are lame) and to get hold of and keep the chain of evidence (cell phones) clean. Of that dereliction of duty they remain forever culpable. Their “best work” is a day late and a dollar short.
Also, with hindsight it appears that becoming connected to the Gooch family was not a good thing for Henry.
Would it help if the newspaper printed another story called, “the other Henry Granju?” But that would be a feature story, not news. And they don’t have to do that.
I think I’ll choose to stick with “getting to know” Henry through your eyes. There’s enough hatred on TV, I don’t want to read it in the newspaper too. (From people who, no doubt, didn’t even know Henry and obviously have no compassion for other human beings.) Keep your head up and enjoy the refreshing and magical powers of the ocean!
Looks like KNS finally realized that their PAYING customers had had enough of ” The life and death of a junkie”
I also realize you wont let this post stay but you get the drift.
George – I hope you find relief from whatever is causing you such hurt. Peace be with you. katie
Katie,
This kind of response is what makes you an outstanding human being. You are deserving of all the relief and peace you have hoped for here.
I’m sorry this kind of deliberate ugliness exists.
George, I hope that if – God forbid – you get cancer or some other fatal disease, people don’t dance on your grave as you seem to be doing to Henry. You clearly have some deep seeded issues (perhaps from parents who were a-holes like you?) but I suggest you get them sorted out.
Lucky for you, God seems to love everyone.
oh george. oh george, george, george. If you are a paying customer of KNS and see a story you don’t like or aren’t interested in, you really don’t have to read it, do you? I don’t live there, but there are lots of stories printed in our local paper that don’t interest me, or even ones I am tired of, so I just skip them. But what really baffles me, if indeed you are tired of the “life and death of a junkie” as you say, why you logged on here to read more? This isn’t part of your paper, you chose to go to this site.
My stomach was in knots yesterday as I started to read the article, because I imagined what you and the members of your family must be feeling reading those words.
I wish that everyone that reads that article would watch the video that I did last year—showing Henry in all stages of his life. Even if you didn’t know him, you see that he was a whole person, a beautiful, much loved boy that was surrounded by a wonderful family. You see that little baby, the growing child, the light in his eyes, his love for music and so much more. You see all that and you know there is more to the story–to his story.
The other reason I feel I can see the real Henry is through your words. You have beautifully expressed who he was (I hate the word “was” too). I have no doubt that Henry had so much to give to the world. He was more than an addict, more than his disease, more than that article.
I have learned a lot from you about judging folks without knowing the whole story, and about compassion. This is one of my favorite quotes as of late, really inspired by what you have taught me: “Make no judgments where you have no compassion.” -Anne Mccaffrey. Those anonymous online commenters have obviously made their judgments in an area where they cannot conceive of having compassion.
For the rest of us, we DO see the real Henry, I promise you. His mama has showed him to us, and continues to do so.
Love to you Katie.
One of the comments over at the KNS article has been bothering me. I will not post over there, so I thought I’d say it here.
Katie – Don’t feel guilty about going on vacation. You’ve earned it and it’s time you took some time for yourself and your family. You aren’t running away, no matter what some of those comments may imply.
Also, you know that you did the best you could with Henry. You know that he was on a path and there was only so much that you could do for him. People will criticize whatever you did – you did too much, not enough, should have done this, why did you do that, etc. . . . You did the best you could. Rest easy on that.
Hugs to all of you.
I’m not surprised that the media once again dropped the ball but am pained nonetheless.
Ownership and power behind the editorial pen has way more control than the truth does.
Katie and family – do not stop knowing that Henry and his story has indeed changed the world: one teenager, one child, one family at a time.
Great people do that.
And while I am not religious, remember that Jesus was unjustly hung up on a cross, just like Henry was (figuratively) by the press and the lost souls who hide behind comments sections on a website.
A new drug for addiction? This is quite an interesting blog post on “reducing the harm.” http://loveitorhealit.tumblr.com/
enjoy your time away, Katie. Don’t let the ridiculousness of George, etc. tarnish your time there. Henry will always be your beautiful boy…nothing anybody ever writes (with their toxic, simple minds) will change your memories of who you know Henry was.
If you’ll pardon me for saying so, the disconnect seems to come from both sides unwilling to admit that yes, Henry was all of those things.
Wonderful boy/Dangerous junkie.
Cowgirl, I do agree with you, but I don’t believe anybody suggests that Henry should be absolved of responsibility, so I’m not sure the disconnect is as pronounced when it goes that way. I also feel that the intent is hurtful of many of the posters on the “news”article, not simply pointing out the flip side. I found that story reaching for dramatic effect, which I don’t think is at all effective, fair or professional reporting. and you may say, “dangerous junkie” but when acknowledging the whole person, when addressing that part of their life, i think it is way more respectful to all involved, to not use the term “junkie” just like you wouldn’t define a person in a wheelchair by calling him or her a “cripple.”
I’m just not getting why you would believe that every single person commenting there is just out to be “hurtful?”
Cowgirl, I think you’re addressing me with that question…I’m sorry that I wasn’t clear. I don’t believe “that every single person commenting there is just out to be hurtful.” what I said was, “…the intent is hurtful of many of the posters.” but you do have me thinking now…I’m not even sure if I should say “many” of the posters. What I meant to say was that, of those posters that are negative, many of them seem intentionally hurtful.
I’m sorry that you’re family is subjected to more public ridicule and hate. I hope that the time away at the beach enables you to get your mind around the article before you go back to town.
I read the article before I fell asleep last night. Regardless of Henry’s addictions, I find it odd that people can admit illegal activity (“I sell drugs, I trade meth for pills, I buy illegal drugs here, I assaulted this person”) in a public forum without any legal recourse. When someone admits in a public newspaper that they sell drugs, doesn’t that wrap up at least one conviction for KCSO?
I’m sorry for your loss and continued pain. I hope that you find some peace while vacationing with your family.
“When someone admits in a public newspaper that they sell drugs, doesn’t that wrap up at least one conviction for KCSO? ”
No, it doesn’t. That’s not how a criminal charge/trial works. If that’s all KCSO has to go on, of course they aren’t going to bring a charge. (And if they did, the prosecutor should drop the charge.) It would be a total waste of time to bring something like that to court. In court, you have a jury whose job is to weigh evidence and determine if the prosecutor has proved guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. The defendant has no obligation to testify. What evidence would there be? A newspaper article? Forget it. If you want to convict someone of dealing drugs, then you need to bring in witnesses who have seen the defendant dealing drugs. And you’d better have more than one witness.
I was as amazed as Jenny was. I guess the average straight-laced, white Jewish girl doesn’t realize that *your own* admission can’t be used against you when you are involved in illegal activity. So I could say that I murdered Henry Granju, but if nobody else witnessed it and there wasn’t enough forensic/DNA evidence, I could walk (at least in Knox County)? I AM simply stunned by these dealers/potential murderers looking investigators in the eye, admitting their drug-based vocations and walking around among the rest of us.
Henry OD’d earlier in high school?
See my response to same question below.
I live in Knoxville but I knew nothing about Henry until I read the article in Sunday’s newspaper, and then I did an internet search to learn more about him. As a mom, I could relate on so many levels and I spent hours reading, thinking, “Yes, yes, I get this! Another mom out there has had the same thoughts as me. I’m not alone or crazy!” I found the video and I shared it with my family. Even though the newspaper article did not talk about the real Henry, it prompted someone like me to look for more, and his story is similar to a story in my own family, except by sharing the video, I’m hoping for a different ending. His story opened a healthy dialogue for us, and I am grateful. Thank you.
That article made feel so icky. To be honest, it felt like typical hyperactive, sensationalist journalism. They want traffic, they want comments, so that’s what they present to their readership. Bleck.
Katie, maybe one day you can write down Henry’s Story for him in book form, in your eloquent voice. His life has touched so many… Sending love and peace your way. xoxo
I’d like to echo J’s question above-did Henry OD in high school? A commenter brought up that Henry’s high school classmates wore bracelets in support of him during a previous hospitalization.
Henry was never hospitalized with any previous overdose or any other drug related injury or condition. Prior to April 27,2010, the day he was removed nearly dead from the home of two drug dealers, Henry’s last previous hospitalization had been at age 3, when he spent a week at Children’s Hospital being treated for Kawasaki Disease. Thus, any statement that his high school classmates wore bracelets in support of him during a previous drug related hospitalization is not true, and completely out if left field to boot. Henry DID suffer a very serious reaction to taking a combination of drugs on one occasion before we made the decision to send him to 9 months of out of state, inpatient addiction treatment during the year he was 17. I literally begged the ER doc to admit him to St Mary’s that night, but he would not, saying his condition was not life threatening, I also tried taking him that same night to the ER at Children’s, but when I told the admitting nurse that my child appeared to be suffering from a drug overdose, she had a hospital guard with a gun stand over us in the waiting room chairs, which terrified and upset Henry, so we left and drove to Penninsula Village, finally arriving there at 2 or 3 in the morning. Henry told the admitting counselor that he wanted and needed help, and I explained that Henry had suffered what looked like an OD to me earlier that evening. Henry answered all of the man’s questions honestly, through tears. I filled out all rge paperwork and gave him a copy of Henry’s insurance card. He left usin the waiting area to go call the insurance company, and came back to tell us that because Henry did not appear to be a threat to himself or others, insurance would not approve inpatient treatment. He told us to call back on Monday and set up an appointment to talk about getting Henry on the waiting list for outpatient treatment. We drove home, pulling in our driveway in North Knoxville just as the sun came up. But no, there was no previous drug related hospitalization unless you count the hours we spent in 2 hospital ER waiting rooms that night.
Thank you, Katie. I just can’t wrap my mind around the vitriol and gossip that’s being spewed under the guise of “comments” on the KNS website. I admire your strength, your honesty, and your ability to persevere in the face of all of this. You’re fighting the good fight for not just your Henry, but for all of our children. Thank you.
thanks for clearing that up katie. i found it sad that the place you drove him to that night wouldn’t admit him because he didn’t seem to be a threat, and wonderful that you and Chris did get him into inpatient treatment very soon after. he wanted to get help. he tried. i think this shows just how strong addiction can be, how truly, really powerful it is. he did have 9 mos. of inpatient treatment. addiction is cunning, powerful, baffling and very very patient. it lies in wait. which is so heartbreaking, and makes it so hard to overcome. but that doesn’t mean many addicts don’t want to overcome it. it is obvious henry did.
Just to clarify–the admitting doc at the ED probably is constrained as the drug treatment center was with the standards for what is medically necessary. While I imagine you as a parent must have been absolutely terrified, I suspect the ED doctor had done enough clinical exam and/or tests to determine that Henry was clearing the toxins from his system well enough that he really didn’t need inpatient care for medical interventions like breathing or blood pressure support. The hospital’s and the insurance company’s utilization management teams would not have allowed for an admission in this situation. As to the drug treatment center, it sounds as if it was your insurance program that would not allow for an inpatient admission rather than the staff. As to kids wearing bracelets, could some of Henry’s friends done so to keep him in their hearts while he was out of state? I just wonder–they might not have told you, but might have cared enough about him to do so?
The Henry I’ve come to know on your blog is all the wonderful things you say, Katie. I’ve learned from him, though I only heard of him after his death. And I’ve learned so much about strength and grief from you.
I didn’t “know” Henry…except that I met him and “case-managed” him to the next level of care. But, I met a young man (and some family members) that had a lot of potential, grace and love. God bless you all.
Debbie- God bless you and your colleagues at UTMC for the weeks of compassionate, incredibly skilled and yes, loving care you gave our son before he died. Never once did anyone on the staff there treat Henry or iur family with anything less than respect and kindness. -katie
Katie,
Please enjoy your holiday with your family and those that love you. Henry would be happy to know that you are enjoying yourself for once in a very long time and I believe he would feel that you deserve it.
I have read all of what was offered by the newspaper from my perch here in VT, and I have multiple questions, but I am going to wait to see your response first, before posting them.
Take some time to regroup and connect with your children, it will give you added strength to continue on with whatever you feel is the right path.
You are on the right path, IMHO, and when all the BS is over, you and your family will be able to concentrate on helping others in need.
Much love and support to you and yours,
Wendy
Just wanted to echo what others have said- you know who Henry was and better than anyone else. A newspaper article never gives the entire, true picture of who someone is. Comments on the article even less so. I have seen disparaging, ridiculous, etc. comments on almost every single article I’ve EVER read on any news site that allows comments, no matter what or who the subject or the tone of the article, and I would never EVER take them seriously or let them take up space in my head if at all possible. I don’t think a lot of commenters see the people in news articles as “people” any more, just as subjects of a news story for their entertainment and subsequent dissection and pontificating.
If it is about someone I know and love, I try my hardest to avoid reading the comments at all, though I can imagine how difficult that would be in your case. I don’t need to know what some random reader thinks of my loved one- I KNOW who they are/were better than they ever will, warts and all. Thus it is with you, and with Henry’s siblings- they know who Henry is to them and opinions of people who never knew him or barely knew him, don’t matter at all to that knowledge. You and they should hold onto that fact if/when you read articles or comments that seem to deny who Henry was- you and they simply know better. I can’t say exactly what I’m trying to say, so I will stop.
Those that offer her advice about not feeling guilty, etc for taking a vacation just don’t get it. She’s not on vacation. She just changed her bogging location. If she truly allowed herself to let go just for a day she would feel she had betrayed this beautiful, intelligent, on, & on, boy and also chance losing her public support she so greatly craves.
My reply to those KNS posters who are unhappy that you’re using your blogs as a “bully pulpit”: nobody needs a license to have their own blog. If they weren’t so busy running you down, they could start their own and have their own forum to bloviate and trash others 24 x 7 without the KNS deleting every other comment.
I had meant to post this sentiment last week (in response to the story before Sunday’s piece), but I got very busy and lost pace with the quickly mushrooming thread.
I’d like to ask these people who denigrate your use of your blog: if they had ANY potential inside connection, a blog, a friend in the media, etc., would they NOT try as hard as possible to effect progress through those means?
Anybody who would say “no” to that question, I believe, has never lost a child or anything important enough to them to fight tooth and nail with every possible tool at their disposal as you have done. Or they are lying to themselves. Delusional about the willpower about a grieving mother/family. Those comments about using your own blog to communicate directly with anyone who wants to hear your POV and/or the facts really burn me up the most.
More power to you, Katie. KEEP ON BLOGGING.
Amen, Katie! Several people gave us copies of that article, and I felt like I had been stabbed just reading it. We all know what a wonderful person Henry was and that he was suffering from a horrible illness which just wouldn’t let him go. One thing I really hate reading is that he was “homeless, living on the streets.” This paints an awful picture and is not the truth. He always had a home here and actually, except the 10 days he spent in BB and when he spent the night with friends, he was here most of the time. And he was not “high” or “messed up” when he left my house shortly after noon that Sunday, April 25. The night before he had been depressed and had asked me to sit up with him until he fell asleep, which I had often done. So I massaged his feet and smoothed his beautiful hair as we talked until we both fell asleep. The next morning he seemed better, and I fixed him his favorite breakfast of fried eggs and lots of bacon. I think he ate 4 eggs! Then he wanted to go “downtown” and, though I really insisted that he let me at least drive him there (I wanted to see where he was going), he said he wanted to walk and maybe take a bus because it was such a nice day. He seemed happy and planned to spend that night with some friends, but said he would call me on Monday. We said good-bye and I watched him walk jauntily across the yard. He stopped suddenly and ran back to give me another hug and kiss good-bye, and I once again asked to at least take him to a bus stop. He again insisted he would be fine. And that was the last time I saw him when he was well. He called me on Monday afternoon and told me about what had happened Sunday afternoon and complained of a headache, and he said Yolanda had invited him to her house and that Randall was going to give him a job, let him use a car, etc. All my hackles went up when I heard that, and once again I tried to get him to let me pick him up and even offered to drive him to their house myself. But he was going to dinner with some friends before that and he said they would take him there. He sounded sleepy but said he was looking forward to going and kept reassuring me that he would be all right. I made him promise to call you and tell you about those plans because I felt certain you would feel the same way I did about them. And he did try, but you weren’t there, and I didn’t know where he was or I would have set out to get him anyway. Of course, all these normal dealings aren’t sensational enough for a newspaper to mention. He was a sweet, loving, trusting CHILD who knew he was sick and wanted so much to get well. And he was the light of my life. I can still hear his last words to me: “Don’t worry, Mimi. I’ll be fine, and I’ll call you tomorrow morning.” But that call never came.
Barbara – he was “homeless,” in that he was bouncing around from house to house in those last months, but as anyone who might have bothered to interview his family would have explained, he frequently stayed with you and his grandfather, and I told him every single day that we wanted him home more than anything, if only he would agree to return to treatment. Those conversations were ongoing, as you are well aware. I never want to minimize the rootless wandering he was engaging during those final months, or the reality that he was often behaving like a street person in that time period due to his addiction. He was “homeless” in the sense that he was not living full time in any one place, but
“essentially homeless” – which is the phrase I believe was used to describe him in that newspaper article is simply not accurate in tone or fact. Henry ALWAYS had a home with his parents, grandparents and other family members. The fact that KCSO never once bothered to interview any of us in Henry’s family was simply amplified by that newspaper article for which none of us were interviewed, and which reported
allegation as absolute fact. The portrait they painted of Henry was one dimensional and sensational, when in reality, the situation at the time was complex and nuanced. Why would the KNS state as fact that Henry was “essentially homeless” without doing any fact checking on that issue?