Since the moment I heard about Whitney Houston’s death last week, I can’t stop thinking about Cissy Houston, Whitney’s mama.
Oh, that first week is so unbearable….I just ache for her, knowing her pain right now.
And it never really gets better, exactly. Not so far, for me anyway. It’s different twenty months after my son died, but not better.
Cissy Houston with her daughter, Whitney
By all accounts, Whitney Houston was raised in a close, loving, traditional and church-going family. Her parents did everything “right,” and their child seems to have made it well into adulthood before the disease of addiction hit with full force.
But I know – because every mother of a child who struggles with addiction to dangerous, illegal drugs know this from painful experience – that for the last 20 years or so of Whitney Houson’s far too brief life, her mama lived with a daily, hourly, moment to moment terror of getting the phone call that she eventually did get, last week.
I only lived with that fear for a year or two. But even that brief period left me scarred forever. I went to bed every night with the phone clutched in my hand or tucked under my pillow, and I never let it out of my sight during the day. I needed to be sure to answer if Henry called and needed me.
And yet, somehow, I was NOT there when Henry called and needed me on the evening of April 26, 2010 – when he tried me twice just about the time he climbed in the van belonging to the drug dealers who had already dosed him with death earlier that day, and who would take him back to their house trailer and finish the job. He had a terrible head injury, and he was barely able to walk or talk by the time he tried me that evening. He needed his mama, and I know with great certainty that he was calling me to come get him and bring him home – to tell me he needed me. But I somehow missed his calls. And there is nothing in my life that has ever or will ever cause me more pain and regret than failing to hear the phone ring when Henry called out to me at his moment of imminent danger.
People who know me tease me quite a bit about my somewhat obsessive physical and emotional attachment to my mobile phone. What I don’t think most folks understand is that there’s a reason that it’s always in my hand – the same reason that I am so continuously connected to my surviving children by text, email, phone call when they are not in my line of sight… It’s because I missed the two calls from Henry that evening of April 26, 2010 – calls that if I had received them, unquestionably would have saved his life.
While I’m even more continuously connected to my phone since Henry’s death, I was never far from it or its possible ring before that terrible day when I DID get a call telling me that Henry was in the emergency room. Every mother of a child involved with drugs dreads that call, hopes she will never get it. But I did, and now Cissy Houston has gotten her own terrible call – the one I know that she feared and dreaded and expected and prayed not to come for so many years. She finally got that call, after twenty years of living with that non-stop, uniquely all consuming worry that only the parent of an addicted child understands. It might come in the form of an overdose, or murder during a drug deal gone bad. Or it might come – as it appears at this point to have come for Cissy Houston – in the form of a deadly accident to your child as the result of drug-impaired functioning and judgment.
But one way or another, that call will come for too many mothers of addicted children – today, tomorrow, next week….
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I am ashamed to admit that before my own child became a victim, I paid little attention to the news of the exploding drug death epidemic. It seemed to have nothing whatsoever to do with my normal family and our normal life. We are not celebrities or criminals or drug addicts, I thought.
Of course, I was so very, very wrong.
At the moment, more than 100 Americans each day die of drug overdoses – a number made up almost entirely by overdose from one of the multiple brands of highly addictive and deadly Rx opiate pain pills, patches and liquids – expansively marketed medications with brand names like Opana, Oxycontin and Methadone. A smaller but still significant number of overdose deaths are due at least in part to another class of highly addictive Rx drugs called benzodiazepenes, and marketed with brand names like Xanax and Valium.
By the numbers, dangerously addictive prescription drugs – pumped into the marketplace in ever-increasing numbers by mainstream, corporate pharmaceutical companies like Purdue – now kill more Americans via overdose every day, month and year than cocaine, meth, heroin, and hallucinogens combined. It’s a raging, out of control, still-escalating public health and safety epidemic the likes of which we’ve never, ever, ever seen before. And unlike an epidemic like AIDS, where no one was actively profiting by every new infection, or marketing the means to acquire that infection, in this deadly epidemic, a very powerful and profitable American industry sector is making billions and billions of perfectly legal dollars every year via Americans’ growing addiction to pills. And for these companies, the deadly wake of addiction and death caused by their growing profitability is simply collateral damage.
Crack dealers would be arrested if they tried to gain access to doctor’s offices to convince them to recommend their product to patients, but pharmaceutical company reps peddling what amounts to heroin in a pill are welcomed in with open arms by physicians and their office staffs.
It’s important to note that the 100 per day number only accounts for actual drug overdose deaths; it doesn’t include all the other, mostly uncounted and unnoticed drug overdose-induced injuries that leave our children, siblings, friends, neighbors and co-workers permanently maimed and disabled. This is the piece of the drug epidemic that currently flies almost entirely under the radar. You just never hear about the fact that for every one young person who dies, there are several others left to live their lives unable to speak, confined to a wheelchair, a nursing home or a permanent vegetative state.
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Since my teenager died as the victim of a still unsolved drug-induced homicide on May 31, 2010, nothing has actually changed in Knoxville and Knox County, Tennessee – where we live. I’ve raised hell, and I will continue to raise hell to try to get authorities and the citizens who elect and pay them to care that overdose cases are simply being willfully ignored byour local law enforcement and the Knox County District Attorney, in direct contradiction to the newest best practices/protocols recommended by the experts in these agencies’ own professions, and more importantly, in direct violation to state and federal criminal codes which unequivocally call for every overdose by illegally distributed drugs (prescription or illicit) to be fully investigated as the potential crime against the victim that the law inarguably deems it to be.
Statistics tell us that in the past 20 months since Henry’s death, approximately 30-50 local citizens right here in my own community have also died of drug overdoses. THIRTY TO FIFTY PEOPLE who simply disappeared from our homes, schools, churches, workplaces, generally with their cause of death never revealed even by their own embarrassed, heartbroken families.
More than who died in car wrecks.
More than who died as the result of physical assault or gunshot.
More than who died of AIDS.
These dozens of people in one small southern city just….vanished in less than 24 months.
The local newspaper still doesn’t usually report individual overdose deaths when they happen, or show any interest in whether any criminal investigation takes place, or whether a dealer is ever identified or charged.
In fact, since Henry died, there is no evidence whatsoever that there IS any meaningful criminal investigation taking place in local drug overdose cases. There still hasn’t been ONE SINGLE arrest or prosecution for drug induced homicide or even for manslaughter in the past 20 months, even as THIRTY TO FIFTY MORE LOCAL CITIZENS HAVE DIED AS THE RESULT OF WHAT THE LAW CLEARLY DEEMS TO BE A POTENTIAL CRIME AGAINST THE VICTIM.
That’s where things are here in Knoxville/Knox County, TN, circa February 2012.
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As terrible as Cissy Houston’s pain is right now, she can at least take solace in the fact that there is certainly a rigorous and highly professional criminal investigation underway in the death of her daughter – an investigation that very well may result in criminal charges against any doctor or other drug dealer who may have illegally provided drugs to Cissy Houston’s child. That’s what is starting to happen in drug-related cases involving celebrities, and it’s also quietly happening in a rapidly increasing number of cases involving “regular” overdose deaths all over the country, as local police agencies and districts attorney have begun using the tools already available to them within existing criminal codes to bring dealers to justice when they kill other people.
But here in my own hometown, instead of the community being galvanized by the huge and growing number of drug overdose deaths right here in our own homes and neighborhoods, we are too ashamed to speak publicly of them when they happen in our own families, and we are allowing the powers that be to continue to effectively ignore them.
The stark and disturbing reality is that even with THIRTY TO FIFTY LOCAL CITIZENS KILLED IN THE LAST 20 MONTHS ALONE, nobody in town with any ability to take meaningful action seems to really care about the issue that much – certainly not enough to speak out or act with the urgency that this public health and safety emergency cry out for. I mean, local law enforcement authorities and the DA say the right things about their level of concern when they’re interviewed by local media, but the reality is that our Sheriff’s Office is provably ignoring drug crime in general, and unlike professional peers across Tennessee, the local DA’s Office doesn’t even bother to participate in the state’s network of judicial drug task forces.
And the local newspaper lets these taxpayer-salaried public officials and authorities get away with it, by either ignoring overdose death victims in its regular reporting, or when any reporting does take place, by blaming and shaming the victims and their families.
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So unfortunately, with the way things continue to go along without change here in my own community, many more mothers right here in Knoxville and Knox County will be getting some version of the call Cissy Houston got last week, and that I got on April 27, 2010. Some will get the call today or tonight, some will get it next week, and others will hear that ominous, terrifying ring a month from now.
Of course, every time an active drug dealer is arrested and prosecuted by those with the ability to make that happen, the odds of some mother out there getting the terrible call are reduced, because reduced access to drugs in a particular community means fewer new addicts, as well as fewer opportunities for any individual who is already struggling with addiction to get his or her hands on the drugs that might lead to overdose on any given day.
Addressing drug supply and access certainly isn’t the whole solution to the overdose epidemic, but it’s a major, major part of it, and it’s the part which families and private citizens have the least ability to impact themselves. Unless law enforcement leaders and prosecutors in a specific community do their jobs, the firehose of prescription pills will continue to spew death into our schools and neighborhoods, which is what’s happening in the community where my teenager lived his whole life, and where he died the week in which all his friends graduated from high school.
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I weep for Cissy Houston every time I see or read a new story about Whitney Houston’s long descent into addiction, or describing the suspicious circumstances of her tragic death. And since Henry’s death, I carry around a constant ache for all the other mothers out there who will be getting their own calls – or perhaps an equally horrific knock on the door….
How many is it going to take? How many mothers will suffer this unbearable loss before we all stand up TOGETHER and say enough? How long before we stop allowing local law enforcement agencies and prosecutors to cast the deaths of our children due to illegal drug trafficking as nothing more than individual, shameful accidents rather than as the escalating epidemic of crime against vulnerable victims that so many of these deaths are?
I still don’t know the answer to that question, but you better believe I am going to keep asking it until I do.
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This is probably your best and most important post, to date. I will pass it on. Know that for whatever reason you were not meant to get Henry's calls and that you are were and are a wonderful mama.
Thank you SO much Heidi. Love to you. – Katie
"…in the past 20 months since Henry’s death, approximately 30-50 local citizens right here in my own community have also died of drug overdoses. THIRTY TO FIFTY PEOPLE who simply disappeared… the local newspaper…doesn’t… report individual overdose deaths when they happen, or show any interest… [and] there is no evidence whatsoever that there is any meaningful criminal investigation taking place…"
—
Truly, Henry and Amber (and the thousands lost to prescription drug abuse and overdose) are the "desaparecidos" of modern day capitalism in the United States.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forced_disappearance
"…a forced disappearance (or enforced disappearance) occurs when a person is secretly abducted or imprisoned by a state or political organization or by a third party with the authorization, support, or acquiescence of a state or political organization, followed by a refusal to acknowledge the person's fate and whereabouts, with the intent of placing the victim outside the protection of the law…"
Great post, Katie. The numbers are staggering. I saw this article on the TorontoStar.com today and thought you might be interested. OxyContin will soon be pulled from Canadian pharmacies. Purdue is replacing it with OxyNEO at the end of February. "The new drug is formulated in such a way that it is more difficult to crush, and therefore less likely to be abused through injecting or snorting."
http://bit.ly/zK2r92
Your passion, commitment and advocacy are truly heroic. Thank you.
Let me also add my voice to the commenters who are encouraging you to forgive yourself for not answering the phone when Henry called those two times. I can so easily imagine feeling the way you do and my eyes well up every time I imagine it, how you must have gone over and over your actions that day, and the pain that causes you. You can't know for certain what he was going to say, and you can't know you would have been able to save him that time — and even if you could have prevented what happened that terrible night, you don't know what would have happened further in the future. You were and are an amazing mother and human being.
I wholeheartedly agree with you that prescription drug abuse is a horrible problem facing our society. But please remember that used properly these drugs are also incredibly useful in preventing desperate pain. Medical patients with chronic pain NEED access to these drugs. In the past the medical profession used to deny even terminal patients the painkillers they needed because of "the risk of addiction". This idea has begun to change with the advent of pain management of a medical discipline. The idea of preventing a cancer patient from getting the pain medications they need to make their death bearable should horrify us. In my state of massachusetts, we have had so many armed robberies of drug stores aimed at getting pain pills that many cancer patients have to travel long distances to secure hospital pharmacies to get their medication.
So, is it really just to assert that pharma salespeople are the equivalent of heroin dealers? It is harder than you think to distinguish the difference between a "pill-mill" and a doctor who specializes in pain management. I think that we are overdue for a serious discussion about how to stop the supply of pills to the black market without restricting the access for patients who legitimately require these drugs. However, it doesn't seem right to start the discussion from the basis that the companies that make these drugs are evil.
Yes. There is also a problem with untreated pain in this country. Those of us who need these painkillers to function don't appreciate being told that we're no different from people who take heroin.
And how much am I supposed to suffer, who has chronic pain through no wrongdoing of my own, because a drug addict wants to get access to my pain pills? As it is, it's extremely difficult to get the medication I need.
I don't take pain pills to get high–I take them so I can go to work and care ffor my family instead of writhing in pain on the floow.
"Sheriff’s Office is provably ignoring drug crime in general, and unlike professional peers across Tennessee, the local DA’s Office doesn’t even bother to participate in the state’s network of judicial drug task forces."
After closely following and reading every document and post regarding Henry's case, I truly believe that the Sheriff's office isn't just ignoring this epidemic..they are a part of it. Hoping one day, you will just "shut up" and all this scrutiny being forced upon the KCSO will go away.
And then they can continue on in the sinister wrong doings that no one knew about until Tarklin Rd.
I hope it is a peaceful day, Katie. And please know that there is not a day that goes by that I don't remember Henry.
xo, misha
Katie, I just found out that my little girl has to go through brain surgery and chemotherapy. She is six. One of the first things I thought of, after I calmed down, is you and your Henry. Your strength and relentless fighting for your child is an inspiration to me.
My heart goes out to you, and your little girl. I will keep you in my thoughts, and hope fervently that she will be cured and happy and healthy.
One mother, to another… one cancer survivor to another.
Katie I commend you on your post. I'm glad you are shedding light on the misuse of prescription pills. But I have to add, as a nurse practitioner with prescriptive authority, I have responsibly prescribed many of these drugs for people with intractable pain and at the end-of-life. When used properly, with all the appropriate oversight in place, these vital medications are an absolute necessity to relieve suffering in a subset of people. I'm no pill pusher. In fact I advocate for a wide variety of pain- and anxiety- relieving techniques that don't involve medications, such as guided imagery and meditation, music therapy etc. But sometimes these medications are truly necessary.
Please don't take this as a criticism. I have the utmost respect for you and I am pained to think of your son's addiction and the horrible way he was left to die. I just wanted to add my perspective as a health care provider.
Much love & respect,
Chrissy
I remember so clearly when the AIDS epidemic began, and the mother of a close friend of mine who was dying went on the rampage to bring awareness and change around the stigma and shame heaped on victims and their families. The hospitals, educators, social service providers were all walking around with their heads up their rear ends, calling it "gay cancer" and acting as if…as if…gay Americans, poverty-stricken and addicted Americans did not deserve the same kind of treatment, prevention, and support as others. And then slowly, over the years, thanks to her efforts and those of countless thousands of others, that awareness has been gained, the tide has been stemmed, and here in Memphis in 2011 we did not have ONE case of newborn AIDS.
I say all this to say that we all need to STAND UP AND SHOUT about the epidemic, about the rights of addicted Americans, and about the disease that is robbing our society of valuable members.
It is NOT okay that the KCSO and related authorities are so twisted up in this that it gets swept under the rug. It is NOT ok to write off our neighbors, our children, our parents…our addicted friends and family as if they are undeserving.
Keep on keepin' on, Katie. Keep fighting the good fight, and spreading the word.
I'm sorry this is your reality.
Hugs,
Claire
Great post, prescription drugs and alcohol kill. So sad that so many people promote drinking like it's some kind of fun social activity instead of a death sentence.
One though, Whitney's family didn't do everything right. In fact, they set the stage for one of the great contradictions of life: Parents who "warn" their kids against the dangers of drugs while at the same time taking or associating with the "legal" drug of alcohol.
Whitney's parents took her to church (or rather her mother did) and then when she was a young impressionable teen, she took her into bars where drinking and partying was glamorized.
The vast majority of people who consume alcohol do not become addicted to it. The vast majority of people who consume alcohol do so responsibly.
I consider it important that children see their parents consume alcohol responsibly. I would say, that it is even useful for children to see what happens when people do not consume alcohol responsibly, in order to learn and avoid such situations themselves. I know that is what my parents did.
Prohibition didn’t work, and won’t be making a return, so it is up to parents to teach their children how to handle alcohol.
But frankly, how do you know what Whitney Huston’s family did or did not do? And how dare you sit in judgement of strangers, grieving strangers?
I don't know if the vast majority of people consume alcohol properly and don't become alcoholics from use (i have no idea what the statistic is, so I won't pretend to know), but alcohol most definitely fits the criteria of being a drug. it is a mind altering, mood altering substance. Parents teaching their children how to handle alcohol? Really? The alcoholic doesn't know they are one before the first drink, how could a parent teach them how to handle a substance like that? It is like saying parents can teach their children how to handle any other substance that alters one's mind. I will not jump on the bandwagon of what Whitney's parents may or may not have done wrong, as they didn't have a crystal ball any more than any other parent does. But to categorically discount the destruction that alcohol has brought to millions of families by saying we can teach our children how to drink responsibility, that it is important for children to see their parents consume a drug, even if it is a legal, socially accepted drug, well no.
You are right, Geri.
Alcohol is one the oldest known drugs.
It is one of the oldest recreational drugs known to man. It is labelled as a psychoactive drug which means it can change the way your brain works and perceives things. It is extremely open to abuse.
The Greeks promoted moderation in drinking and temperance was praised by Plato. As the Roman Empire started to decay the abuse of alcohol became more rampant. Why? Because it gives "ease and comfort".
Throughout much of history the use or misuse of alcohol is a reflection of society.
When I was working as an alcohol and drug counselor, it was incredible to me how many loved ones were unwilling to remove alcohol from the home or not drink in front of the person struggling in new recovery.The addicted patient would be discharged from treatment and often going back home to a environment that was not drug-free. The home may not have a medicine cabinet full of narcotic prescriptions etc, but, it would have a fridge full of beer, wine and a liquor cabinet. So many mother's/father's, partner's just could not understand
that alcohol is a drug. It is also the one drug that many relapse on. How many times I heard from a relapse patient that they never drank. Alcohol was never on their radar. But, when "that feeling of discontent" came back, it was often a bottle of liquor or a 6-pack that fueled a relapse.
If it was to be re-classified today by the FDA, it would be taken off the market. It has no medicinal purpose. Physicians don't prescribe it.
thanks misha. so many people were amazed that at our daughter's graduation party (from high school) we didn't serve any wine or beer. by this time it was very obvious our son was an alcoholic, and there was never a drop of it in our house once that realization came. did that mean he couldn't/didn't find it elsewhere. of course not. but i wasn't going to have it readily available for him, and i also wanted to show that people can celebrate life's joys in a social situation without drinking. i never really understood the need to have alcohol available at a party for a graduating high school senior. "but it's for the parents" people said. can't parents celebrate their children's accomplishments without popping open a budweiser? so many times at these parties i would see the teenagers sneaking a beer out of the cooler when they thought no adult was looking. I know it's not going anywhere, and yes, prohibition didn't work, and many many people can and do drink responsibility. but i just think it's important to remember how deadly this drug is, and that is has destroyed more lives and families than any other substance around. and you're right, there is no medicinal purpose for it.
Alcohol is also a much more dangerous drug than many other illegal drugs. It is easier to die from alcohol consumption than it is from many other drugs. Washingtonian magazine had a recent graphic about this. Alcohol killed Amy Winehouse, was a contributing factor most likely in Houston's death and contributes to many less famous deaths each year. The person who was unquestionably a victim was her daughter, Bobbi. Something that should be kept in mind the next time someone professes to need that glass of wine at the end of the day or writes a blog post explaining why their drinking really is not a problem.
I stand by my comments: alcohol, if used as intended is safe. Yes, some people are susceptible to alcohol addiction, and are at risk. And yes, parents have a responsibility to teach their children to use alcohol responsibly.
You want to outlaw dangerous, addictive substances that kill? Don't focus on alcohol, focus on cigarettes.
Cigarettes, if used as intended, will cause disease or death of the smoker, and perhaps even the non-smokers exposed to their smoke, either directly through 2nd hand smoke, or through third.hand smoke, the toxic deposits left in porous surfaces.
You want to talk deadly? This, from the CDC:
"More deaths are caused each year by tobacco use than by all deaths from human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), illegal drug use, alcohol use, motor vehicle injuries, suicides, and murders combined.1,2"
http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_s…
So, some important perspective: while alcohol may be addictive, it has nothing on cigarette smoking. Why isn't cigarette addiction treated the same way as alcohol or drug addiction, since it is far more deadly? Why exactly haven't cigarettes been banned, given the danger they pose?
No disagreement on cigarettes from me monika. I have been addicted to these death sticks for 40 years, took my first one as a teenager, of course thinking i wouldn't become addicted, and surprise, surprise, I most certainly am. Have tried everything to quit, and still keep relapsing back to them. They serve no good purpose either. So we are on the same page about the deadliness of cigarettes, and how many lives they destroy.
You used the phrase that alcohol, when used as intended, is safe. I am genuintely not sure what you mean by that. How would you describe what it's intended use is?
We all know the devastation from tobacco use in this country. The difference between that and the devastation caused by alcohol are quite different.
Impaired Judgment
When someone has alcohol in his or her system, coordination and judgment become impaired, which can lead to a tragic event, such as a car accident.
Promiscuity
Alcohol can affect one's hormone level and increase sex drive. If you're intoxicated, you're more vulnerable to rape and violence.
Loss of Friends
Alcohol consumption can cause aggression towards others, which can result in the loss of friends and can damage relationships with your family and loved ones.
Regret
Someone under the influence of alcohol may attract acquaintances she wouldn't normally socialize with, if she weren't drinking. These people can persuade her to do things she wouldn't do, if she were thinking straight.
Embarrassment
Alcohol can cause embarrassment on the part of the person drinking and on the part of that person's friends and family.
I would guess that the majority of people who consume any type of drug don't become addicted.
Did a little research. According to CDC and NIAAA, there are currently 18 million alcoholics in the United States. That is an astonishing number of people addicted to alcohol.
My husband and I have both been in the "program" for many years. Alcohol was not my drug of choice. It was his.
I am still amazed that in 2012, people will say to me, since I have been clean and sober for 20 years+, "you can probably drink now, alcohol is not what took you down"!
And to my husband, the recovering alcoholic, "just one won't hurt" or just learn to limit what you drink, you should be able to do that by now"!
Education about addiction is needed just as fiercely in adults as it is children and adolescents. Perhaps this is why so many young people are allowed to drink at home or have parents who don't care about their child smoking marijuana. I hear so many friends say about their children, "at least they are home drinking and not out running the roads" or at least they are just smoking pot and not doing pills". Geez.
It must be nice to live in "never-never land"!
Geri, I read your comments here and on Katie's FB page. Thank you for always being a voice of reason from someone who has been through such a tragedy. I know how much you miss your boy.
Blessings, misha
I don't find it all that astonishing – but even if I did – 18 million alcoholics surely doesn't even come close to the number of people who have drunk alcohol at some point. 18 million is roughly 7-8 percent of the adult population (18 and over) of the U.S. What percent of that population has tried alcohol and is NOT addicted? 70%? 80%? I don't know, but I'd be willing to bet i's WAY higher than 7-8%.
clisby, i guess i'm not sure what your point is. Is it that we shouldn't get too concerned about drug and alcohol use, since "the majority of people who consume any type of drug don't get addicted", and therefore it's okay for parents to use them in front of children if they teach them to use them responsibly?" I don't mean to be obtuse here, but I'm not understanding what you're saying.
Katie, I applaud your efforts to draw attention to the deadly epidemic of the prescription medication overdoses.
Speaking personally though, what I find so important about Henry's story is how drug addicts are dismissed and demonized, treated as throw-aways when they are our sons, daughters, brothers and sisters.
Sharon Osbourne has spoken out after Whitney Houston's death, calling for drug addicts to be treated with more compassion.
http://blog.sfgate.com/dailydish/2012/02/13/sharo…
When we start to look at drug addicts with more compassion and less judgement, we will have better answers at stopping this horrible epidemic.
Important post. Your talent as a writer, researcher AND MOTHER never ceases to amaze me.
I know you touched on it a but in this post but I think it is important to point out MIXING drugs. Many many many of the deaths are not due to a single drugs, it's due to mixing opiates with benzos and alcohol. Doctors themselves prescribe these drugs together without giving proper warnings. It's very scary.
Katie – My heart just breaks at your words. I think that I can understand the impulse to be critical of yourself, and to feel so terrible about those calls; for one thing, I think to believe that they could have made a difference gives an illusion of some control over the terrible, terrible thing that happened to Henry. And yet, I can’t help but think that you just can’t know what would have happen. What those people did to him is so unspeakable, and so brutal and horrible, that I don’t think any of us can know that he would have been saved and would have been OK, no matter what had changed in those hours that followed their attacks on him. You are not to blame for what happened to Henry, period. And it hurts my heart for you to hear you say that you feel responsible. I hope that there can be some peace and healing for you about those events, and some forgiveness – and knowing that you did absolutely everything you could for Henry at the time, and he always always knew how much you loved him and supported him.
Hi Katie, I applaud your efforts to draw attention to this terrible scourge. I also have a question for you. What do you think should be done with all these criminals? Currently the US has one of the most incarcerated populations in the world http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incarceration_in_the…. We can't just keep locking people up – it doesn't seem to be working. I know this is a big question, but it's one that I muse on regularly and don't have any answers.
Well said, Katie. I also personally feel we need to address our “take a pill, make it better” culture. I’m all for modern medicine but it seems like Henry’s tragic death and the deaths of so many other Americans fit into the idea of medicating the pain away. Everything you are working towards fights that and the assumption that addicts are worthless.
I am so terribly sorry you lost your Henry. I know this can’t lessen any of that pain, but I truly believe you are saving lives with the work you are doing now.
Yes. Let’s not forget that many of the prescriptions that teenagers in particular are getting their hands on are coming from their parents medicine cabinets, purses, etc.
Substance abuse refers to illegal drugs, prescription drugs, and alcohol. These substances are used to escape reality and research is still delving into genetic and learned behaviors to explain addiction. No one can deny that this is a widespread problem in our society and one needs to examine origins very closely to prevent this menace from taking hold and destroying the lives of the addicted and their families.
I understand what you are saying about avoiding cruel judgmental comments, however it is a dangerous thing to avoid judgment. We need deep critical thinking, not denial, to overcome this public health menace. Substance abuse destroys lives and needs a broad base of support to seriously examine, research and intervene with this heartbreaking problem.
"…it is a dangerous thing to avoid judgment. We need deep critical thinking, not denial, to overcome this public health menace. "
Why is avoiding judgement dangerous?
Critical thinking can only take place in an environment in which logic and clarity of thought rules, and where the focus is on finding compassionate solutions, not punishment. Shaming does not promote solutions; it destroys them.
I say this as someone who does this for a living — I'm a policy analyst.
Here is what happened today in Canada with respect to limiting opioid prescriptions:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/prov…
Haven't seen how these new regimes will deal with the people who are in legitimate need of such pain relief, like those dying of metastatic cancer, which is a worry for me.
Passionately and well written. As you said, before Henry had this problem, it wasn't even on your radar, and I understand and admire your passion regarding this issue now. No disagreements, except for the comparison of drug reps to crack dealers. Actually know more than a few drug reps, who are good, hardworking people trying to support their families with gainful employment. To compare them to a crack dealer is over the top, in my opinion. Yes, their products have the potential to be abused and deadly, as many products do. Aspirin can be abused and deadly. But as others have pointed out, the products can also be life-saving and necessary for some. It is complex problem, for sure.
You are such a great writer! Thanks for all you do!
The high number of prescription drug abuse is going to drive people to methadone clinics for addiction treatment. There have been very few studies on treatment of prescription drug abuse with methadone. People need to be informed of the dangers associated with methadone .There were 5500 methadone related deaths in 2007.Methadone is a synthetic opiate that is used to treat pain and addiction for heroin and other opiates. When methadone is used for pain, doctors write the patient a prescription for various amounts (120 pills seem to be most common) which is easily diverted. When methadone is used for addiction patient must go to a clinic to receive dose of methadone until they earn take home privileges. Many patients taking methadone for addiction will remain on it for life Methadone represented less than 5% of prescribed opiates but was attributed to 1/3 of all opiate related deaths. A dose that is therapeutic for one person may be lethal to another person. Methadone’s’ unique properties make it unforgiving and sometimes lethal. For more information, please visit http://www.stopmethadonedeaths.com. Please sign petition and join the forum.
I don't know how you do it. Work, kids, blog, and still time and space for love and compassion, outreach for total strangers. You're an inspiration.
No one is addressing this issue more effectively than you are. I am the mother of a 25 year Oxy addict in treatment / recovery for two years (90 day residential and 6 months sober living in Utah, detox in Utah and Nashville, IOP in Knoxville). I am very concerned about the accountability of the treatment system and difficulty in finding programs that actually do what they say and the very low rates of actual success and real research on follow up of residents, I would love to see you address how you feel about Henry's treatment programs and what you would do differently now once you knew he was an addict – I read the post that said he was in residential treatment for a year. We are aware of only a very few sober living programs in Knoxville or Tennessee. Our daughter's home group is mostly unemployed, not in school, older addicts. As far as we know, there are no sober living dorms on any campuses, no AA/NA meetings on campus at UT, no organized social activities for singles but mostly continued isolation by the addict from former friends, and extremely limited structure from individual and family therapists. If anyone knows of effective therapists, case managers or life coaches specializing In young addicts in recovery, we would appreciate posts. I am never without my cell but could miss a call when I forget to take it off silent. I use the word terrified more than fear to describe myself because I know she has to do the work and make the decisions. I take care of myself through AlAnon, Celebrate Recovery, and exercise but would really like to help others find effective treatment like Katie is changing the way overdoses are prosecuted.
I am very concerned about the accountability of the treatment system and difficulty in finding programs that actually do what they say and the very low rates of actual success and real research on follow up of residents…
Nancy, I couldn't agree with you more. You ask a very, very, important question.
The studies I have dug up show that most treatment programs have only a 10% success rate.
10%!!
The very best ones can boast of only a 25% success rate.
That's not very cost-effective treatment.
It is extremely disturbing that those who go through such treatment and fail to beat their addiction as a result are personally blamed for the failure and socially derided and judged. Why should they be blamed for not succeeding when their odds of doing so are only, on average, 10%?
Addicts don't fail treatment; the treatment fails them.
In researching this issue, I've found that such treatment programs, so popular here in North America, are severely criticized in Europe, where they have fallen into disrepute and are not used. In fact, the European medical establishment is also leery of AA (and Narcotics Anonymous) and their approach, and it is not widely embraced in Europe (as it is here). Europeans find that the approach is not useful in that it humiliates persons with medical conditions and makes recovery solely and exclusively the responsibility of the addict and their willpower. Europeans consider this to be inhumane (barbaric, even) and not useful.
And frankly… we don't have much success to show for our approach, whereas they do.
So maybe we should be looking at best practices from places where they have actually achieved success; i.e., evidence-based treatment approaches.
The European approach relies heavily on harm-reduction programs. Yes, I am aware of the problems with methadone treatment death in the U.S., and yes, believe that Henry most likely died as the result of an overdose of illegally-diverted methadone, but believe that the problem is most likely with the lax way such treatment programs are managed in the U.S. (i.e., by for-profit clinics) then with inherent failings in harm reduction programs themselves. In any case, I firmly believe that these issues must be researched and discussed.
I remember when Henry came back from the long stay at the rehab place, and there was a quiet sense it wasn't going to stick, I wanted to shout to Katie: "Put him in your car, and just drive. Get out of town with him. Just go somewhere, anywhere." Rehab is one measure, but having Henry come back to the same place that causes the problem — friends, home life, untreated illness — seemed so cruel. Not many of us could make the jump like that. Rehab is one measure, and so often, despite its high hopes and price tag, one of the few things that stick.
No one is addressing this issue more effectively than you are. I am the mother of a 25 year Oxy addict in treatment / recovery for two years (90 day residential and 6 months sober living in Utah, detox in Utah and Nashville, IOP in Knoxville). I am very concerned about the accountability of the treatment system and difficulty in finding programs that actually do what they say and the very low rates of actual success and real research on follow up of residents, I would love to see you address how you feel about Henry's treatment programs and what you would do differently now once you knew he was an addict – I read the post that said he was in residential treatment for a year. We are aware of only a very few sober living programs in Knoxville or Tennessee. Our daughter's home group is mostly unemployed, not in school, older addicts. As far as we know, there are no sober living dorms on any campuses, no AA/NA meetings on campus at UT, no organized social activities for singles but mostly continued isolation by the addict from former friends, and extremely limited structure from individual and family therapists. If anyone knows of effective therapists, case managers or life coaches specializing In young addicts in recovery, we would appreciate posts. I am never without my cell but could miss a call when I forget to take it off silent. I use the word terrified more than fear to describe myself because I know she has to do the work and make the decisions. I take care of myself through AlAnon, Celebrate Recovery, and exercise but would really like to help others find effective treatment like Katie is changing the way overdoses are prosecuted.
I woke up this morning thinking about those missed calls, I think because I missed two (orders of magnitude less important) calls last night. Sometimes, maybe when circuits are busy?, I find that my service "chunks" my deliveries, and at 6:28 on Friday night, my phone is silent, but at 6:34, three texts and two missed calls show up (totally theoretically, of course, ahem); and both of those "missed" calls are moments when my phone did not ring.
It does the same thing when I am in temporary signal black holes. The center of our town, for some reason, has almost no cell reception, so if I go to the grocery store and then the library, when I drive home, I get all the missed stuff at once.
I understand: this does not even qualify as cold comfort. And that no amount of technology failed reasoning changes the horrible series of events. But. Technology failing is not YOU failing.
My mother and I spoke every single day on the phone or in person. Except, of course, the day when she died. So I understand the instinct to kick yourself over missed phone communication, I really do. But just as me thinking, Oh, I'll call her tonight after her easy office visit is done, and thereby missing my last opportunity to speak with her was not a sign of me being a bad or failed daughter–the fact that those calls were missed had horrible consequences but sheds no light on you as a mama. Hugs to you–
I can so relate to the phone thing. I failed to answer several calls on the evening of Sept 8, 2009. I was at a potluck supper.. It was 45 minutes later when calls from people kept coming that I answered… only to find out that my 22 year old son had been in a wreck. By the time I got there, the life flight helicopter had left and was taking him to a city an hour and a half away. I didn't get to see him before he died that night, didn't get to hold his hand or tell him I loved him. If I had taken the first call, I might have gotten there in time to at least tell him how much I loved him. 2 years and .5 months later… I still have issues about my phone and answering it and keeping it close by.
A year ago I When my oldest son called me at work… which he never does… I was glad that I had my phone, his father had died unexpectedly and tragically. I'm so glad I answered and was able to be with my son when he needed me.
I also feel the pain of every mother and father who gets 'that' call.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I know when I first saw your story about Henry about a year ago, it made me feel like I wasn't alone. You are very brave.
You see stories based on where you're living: When I first saw the story about Whitney Houston, I thought about her grieving daughter, who is the the same age as my oldest child.
My childrens' father is a drug addict- he is currently clean and trying to re-establish his disrupted relationship with his children.
I was able to hold it together for my kids but they are deeply , lifetime scarred from their father's actions and choices. You wouldn't know it- they're nice middle-class, polite, doing well in school kids. They haven't been seized from meth dens and coke head parents.
Poor Whitney's daughter- her father was not around when her mom was found and she seems to have seen all too much.
Much more attention needs to be paid to addicts' kids- as much as they destroy their own lives,the impact on their kids goes on for generations.
I pray and hope that Whitney's girl gets the psychological counselling and support she needs to stay away from the demons that consumed her mom.
Katie, I am so deeply sorry for your great loss your precious son Henry.On the early morning of April 5, 2006 we received the phone call that our 33 y/o daughter Wendy was dead. The day before her death a negligent Doctor prescribed her Methadone as a pain medication. We were shocked to learn that Methadone had been put on the market as a pain killer no longer just used at Methadone Clinics to treat opiate addictions.We learned from her Autopsy and Toxicology Reports she had died within 8 hours…one 10 mg Methadone pill can kill. From 2006 I have worked with grieving Mothers that have lost their children to these senseless deaths. In 1995 it was decided chronic pain patients were being under treated this was the beginning of Pain Management Clinics opening across the country. The majority of patients were prescribed Oxycontin a highly addictive drug and this is where the nightmare began. Within a few years these Physcians that had opened these Clinics realized their patients were addicted to Oxycontin that was being used, abused and diverted. Enter Methadone …a cheaper alternative to treat pain and opiate addictions. By 2006 the death toll started to rise and could no longer be ignored because families were joining together fighting for tighter restrictions or to have Methadone banned. Politicians, Doctors and Big Pharmacuetical Company's continue to turn their heads with blood on their hands of innocent victims that have died simply put over…GREED. Some Doctors have felt fear and will no longer prescribe Methadone leaving their patients no where to turn but to Methadone Clinics or to the streets.Who owns most of the Methadone Clinics across the United States? The answer would be Doctors… that rarely even see or treat their patients. No two Methadone Clinics seem to follow the same guidelines or charge their patients the same fee.Like you Katie I could go on and on about the lies that have been uncovered by the people in power it is sickening. Please visit http://www.stopmethadonedeaths.com sign the Petition join the forum or share your story as we spread this awareness to the public the Truth Behind Methadone…You May Save Life.
Methadone was originally developed as a painkiller 80-something years ago. It wasn't "put on the market as a pain killer"–it's always been a painkiller. I take methadone every day for pain.
In the United States, deaths linked to methadone more than quadrupled in the five year period between 1999 and 2004. According to the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics,[36] as well as a 2006 series in the Charleston (West Virginia) Gazette,[37] medical examiners listed methadone as contributing to 3,849 deaths in 2004. That number was up from 790 in 1999. Approximately 82 percent of those deaths were listed as accidental, and most deaths involved combinations of methadone with other drugs (especially benzodiazepines).
Although deaths from methadone are on the rise, methadone-associated deaths are not being caused primarily by methadone intended for methadone treatment programs, according to a panel of experts convened by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, which released a report titled "Methadone-Associated Mortality, Report of a National Assessment". The consensus report concludes that "although the data remain incomplete, National Assessment meeting participants concurred that methadone tablets and/or diskettes distributed through channels other than opioid treatment programs most likely are the central factor in methadone-associated mortality."[38]
In 2006, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration issued a caution about methadone, titled “Methadone Use for Pain Control May Result in Death.” The FDA also revised the drug's package insert. The change deleted previous information about the usual adult dosage. The Charleston Gazette reported, "The old language about the 'usual adult dose' was potentially deadly, according to pain specialists."[39]
I'm so sorry this horrible thing happened to Henry. My heart just aches for you. I read the post about Amber too, and It's tragic and baffling why the authorities in your area aren't doing more to try to prevent more deaths. It doesn't seem they care.
I'm glued to my phone these days too. Right now, my 18 year old meth addicted daughter is in a homeless shelter in another state because she left the rehab center that she was only at for a little more than 48 hours. We thought sending her to one out of state was a good idea so that she wouldn't be able to walk out and find drugs easily. She walked out anyway. The counselor was kind enough to drive her to a homeless shelter.
She would rather be homeless and get high than be in a safe nurturing place in the mountains getting help.
She called me from a bus station and wanted money for a ticket to get home. I told her no. I told her go back to rehab. She said I didn't love her and hung up.
If I get that call tonight, or tomorrow, those words will ring in my head forever.
Yet, I know this isn't my fault. It's her path she's chosen. Her actions are why she's where she is right now.
Henry's death isn't your fault either. I just ache for you, for these kids, for all families going through the pain of an addicted child.
Lori
My heart breaks for you (I'm a mom too). I believe you said the right thing to your daughter. I hope and pray she finds her way to recovery
just want you to know another mom is rooting for you
Lori, I say in all sincerity that I think telling your daughter no, go back to therapy is the hardest, and bravest thing a parent can do. And that you know, which is so so true, that this not your fault, that your daughter is choosing to be in a homeless shelter and high rather than in the mountains getting well, is just huge. I want to thank you for reminding me of that, this is not our fault. I pray with all my heart that the call you get is from your daughter saying she is back in rehab.
I think geri is right. I hope I'd be brave enough to say no – go back to rehab.
@geri – I wasn't making any big point – simply commenting on this:
"The vast majority of people who consume alcohol do not become addicted to it. The vast majority of people who consume alcohol do so responsibly."
I'm sure that's true. I'd bet the vast majority of people who consume opiate painkillers consume them responsibly and don't become addicted. I'd bet the majority of people who use marijuana or cocaine don't get addicted.
thanks clisby. I was reading more into your simple statement. i'll chalk it up to my middle aged mind, either missing things, or adding to the story myself. teehee. I know I am overly sensitive to comments about some things, because our son didn't fall in that vast majority. damn.
I know – I so wish there were more insight into exactly what triggers addiction. Because it's clearly not an inevitable consequence of drug use. I think back on all the illegal substances I tried when I was in college, and I never came close to addiction. Aside from being illegal, it literally was no different from having a few beers, except it was more pleasant. And when you get to opiate painkillers, one could certainly argue that when used responsibly, they serve a FAR better purpose than marijuana or cocaine or amphetamines (or beer).
Katie, did you see the news on this, being in TN. http://www.tennessean.com/article/20120217/NEWS03…
Wow. It shows that law enforcement certainly can find the drug dealers when they put resources in that direction. The first thing that popped into my mind is what Sarah G. asked earlier, where are they going to put them all now? I know people are routinely given probation or a minimal sentence when arrested on drug charges here, because there are so many and our jail is chronically overcrowded. The people here recently voted to build a new jail, but my guess is it will be overcrowded in a matter of days. Our prisons are also overflowing. I don't know what the answer is, but locking people up doesn't seem to be fixing the problem, if it did, it wouldn't keep getting worse. This is so complicated and difficult.
People say nasty, ugly things about Whitney Houston and her addictions. The bottom line is she is still someone's mother and daughter and my heart aches for her family. Her poor mother could barely walk out of that funeral.