Lately I have been thinking about that whole, “God doesn’t ever give you more than you can handle” axiom, and I’ve realized that the only reason that it seems true is because once you are no longer able to handle what you’ve been given, you die, at which time, you are no longer expected to “handle” anything further. Really, I think God should consider a less extreme setpoint for determining what we can or cannot handle. I think I will mention that to God next time we chat.
Amen.
You don't have to die. You could also be driven insane.
@bearing
Word.
-Katie
Good to know about the loophole!
I think that there's a difference between being given what we can handle and handling what we bring upon ourselves.
@Sue – I agree there's a difference. However, many people are "given" pretty awful things in life thru no fault of their own.
-Katie
Absolutely true and you have obviously been given your share, for which I am truly sorry. I guess my point is that we shouldn't confuse the two, or lump them together in one indistinguishable mess.
Having been in treatment for PTSD and other repercussions of a traumatic childhood, and fought my way to starting to understand that the universe did not hate me as a kid, and then having lost my first child to medical error…I have to say that people who say that are seriously dumb. It happens all over the world, all the time – in war-torn, poverty-stricken countries, and right here.
That said, I think there is something to the idea of slowing down so we don't create overwhelming situations.
I could tell you what I have endured during my 50 yrs. but it really doesn't matter to you or to my insight to your post. I believe with ALL of my being that God knows our sorrows and our HEART-aches. He is with us through it ALL. What we have to do is be WILLING and RESPONSIVE to Him. God's prescence and comfort in ALL of life begins with our believing He can handle anything we face on this e arth! Our part is to TRUST that he will! I will never understand why my son is a drug addict. But I also, will never give up the hope I have that God is in control. Many, many questions I have in this life…why this? Why that?…etc. but I pray a heartfelt prayer for you and myself and that is that God knows all and our suffering and worries do not fall on deaf ears! Maybe we'll never know the WHY during our lifetime … but one day we'll KNOW for sure…that my friend is my definition of FAITH!
I love what you said here, and also how you said it. Not only is it completely true but it's also compassionate. A lot of times Christians have a hard time doing that, and you did it so well!
The remark is meaningless because just because anyone CAN do something does not mean they do it. One is capable of a lot more than what one accomplishes.
You don't usually die when you can't handle something. A long way between handling something and dying. You can not handle something and bear far lesser consequences than death or any number of tribulations. Also haarents not yet divorcedndling something does not mean handling it optimally or even well.
I hate that saying…I can't even break it down to know what it means… human beings suffer…punto…you either get through it, or you don't…it has nothing to do with any god… My brother is a member of the Class of Willowbrook.. (you can ask me about this–I am more than willing to share) .He's 50 years old now, profoundly retarded (doesn't speak, not toilet trained….just spins, and love to hear music) and now is going blind…so "god" gave him this??? really??? bs. I remember my mother changing his diapers (when he was 14) blowing strawberries on his belly… "god doesn't gove us more than we can handle"…bs. it has nothing to do with any god… it has to being human
I posted this earlier on your Facebook post:
God DOES give us more than we can handle. When He does, our best option then is to give it back to Him. God does not give us more than HE can handle.
And yeah, God IS in control of everything. If He wasn't, that would mean there was something more powerful than Him … that ain't happening.
—–
This can go a lot, lot deeper into theology and the nature of God and how He interacts with us, the idea of God's plans for us vs our free will, and much more, but blog comments aren't an ideal place for that discussion. But, ANYTIME you want to dive into this, as long as you know we are not Bible scholars or seminary trained pastors, we're just people who have also questioned God about such matters … just give us a call. Rich is much better talking and writing about this, my faith is a simpler kind where I just know things in my heart, but can't really articulate it, so he can really walk you through these concepts.
Well said!
I am saying that same phrase to myself over and over now. I've had a series of crises that affected me and my family in life changing ways, and that phrase is one of several that are getting me through. Not that I think I can really handle everything I've been struck with, but it helps me fake it until I either fail or get a start on coping. I don't think what has happened is God's fault. I just think that prayer and faith will help me limp along until I can cope again.What I'm dealing with right now will be with me for my whole life, so if I didn't cope and move forward, I'd be looking at a lot of years of misery. (I do however reserve the right to intermittently cry, whine, and feel despair.)
@mbmom7 –
I'm so , so sorry that you're going thru such a tough time
. I really admire your clarity on what you need to do.
Big hugs from me –
Katie
If this is true then why do people commit suicide.
that has always been my stock answer to this pithy little platitude. i do, however, understand that different things give strength and comfort to different people, so if this helps someone in some way, go fo it.
I've known a few people that I've thought of as "broken." I don't think they were quite able to handle all that was thrown at them.
I once, and I kid you not, had a THERAPIST tell me a version of this — after I had just told her some really, really powerfully bad stuff that was happening to MY KID. She said, “You must be a really special person, because God never gives you more than you can handle.” So in her worldview, God gave my precious, innocent child a terrible disease so that I MIGHT DEMONSTRATE MY SPECIALNESS. Does she really believe that? What kind of cruel God would do such a thing (and in that case, I would so much rather be ordinary)? And at what point of horribleness of story would she have not said that to me? Would she have said that to you, Katie, after your terrible loss?
I was flabbergasted that anyone, much less a therapist at our first meeting, would say such a thing. I was absolutely floored and could hardly respond, but I did manage to say, “I think you’d have a hard time selling that to a Jew in 1940s Poland.” Obviously I never met with her again, but I did send her an e-mail to tell her exactly why. I think I was a lot kinder about it than she deserved.
There's a fascinating book called Hasidic Tales of the Holocaust which tells, in many remarkable anecdotes, of all kinds of miracles that happened within the Hasidic community during the Holocaust. Hasids are a Messianic subculture of Orthodox Judaism who are extremely pious and live separately from not just non-Jews but mainstream Jews as well. These stories answer the question, in their view, "Why would God do such awful things to people." They instead see the miracles — the half full/half empty thing.
"Its true stories and fanciful miracle tales are a profound and often poignant insight into the souls of those who suffered terribly at the hands of the Nazis and who managed somehow to use that very suffering as the raw material for their renewed lives." And..
"The Hasidim, however, had a different view of their suffering during the Holocaust. God had not deserted them, even if He seemed hidden in a time of darkness."
If you want to understand how to hold on to your faith when God appears to have given you more than you can handle, this book is certainly a good place to start.
these were the ones that somehow survived, and told themselves a story…the survivors that I know (and I know a handful) didn't see their stay at the concentration camps as a god-test…or that half-full-half-empty thing…
Can I just reiterate how extremely offensive it is to tell a mother that God made her child suffer because she can handle it, whereas some other mother that can't would presumably have a healthy child.
You are just not getting it. Stop using this as some kind of new-agey teachable moment about finding joy! In the midst of the Holocaust! because this kind of pain and sorrow for some people is just not about that. And that is just as legitimate a response as optimism.
I have definitely gone on to have a very full and good life but I absolutely do not believe God meant for my daughter to die. I personally believe if there is a God, he set up the laws of biology and physics and gave mankind brains and unfortunately in my daughter's case the brains did not triumph over the biology and the physics of the situation. I might go so far as to say God himself would grieve alongside me, which would be a really big deal, that kind of presence. But the idea that God doles out pain and suffering according to his measure of what can be handled can be really mean and I wish people who have made similar comments in this thread would GET IT. It is plain offensive, like telling someone they deserve cancer.
In return *I* recommend "When Bad Things Happen To Good People" by yes, a rabbi, who discusses it from quite a different perspective. He also lost a child to a very long-term disease.
Brava!
jzzy55 — I am sure your comment was kindly meant, but it implies that what I need is a good attitude adjustment. That minimizes what I'm experiencing.
I do think good can come from bad, even unbelievably bad and tragic things, which may be what you're driving at. But THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING as "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Not even close.
So do I think I've learned and grown as a person from this experience, which will never be "over," which will always be a fact of my life? Absolutely. Would I give all that back with interest in a heartbeat? YES, ABSOLUTELY.
Shandra — I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience.
God, Higher Power, Allah, Thor, Zeus–has nothing to do with any of this. Why did all the comments on the magnet=swallowing post disappear?
The comments were deleted because Katie didn't like that people pointed out her cavalier attitude when it comes to the ongoing drama of potentially dangerous situations in her house.