mamapundit » MIscarriage

Talking about “it”

kagranju — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 19:56:37 +0000

I love this perspective:

I don’t think women have always known the other women in their life who’ve had miscarriages. In fact, when I told a friend at the beginning of the last pregnancy that I was pregnant she replied “Well, I guess I’m old fashioned; I didn’t tell people until week 13.” And I responded “Why? If I had a miscarriage, I’d tell you to!”

Am I supposed to be ashamed if I have a miscarriage? It it because we’re discussing something that is vaguely associated with my nether regions that I’m not supposed to tell a soul that I’m pregnant until I’m showing? Helloo!!! WORLD!!!! Get past Queen Victoria and stop blaming the mother for everything that happens!!!

I do understand the awkwardness of having to explain to someone after the fact that you are no longer pregnant. I was thinking of inventing a button that says “I’m not pregnant anymore, but I’m OK!” But if I had kept my pie hole shut, I’d never been able to talk to my friends this weekend who needed a shoulder, some information, and a “sister’s” about what they were going through.

So there. I’m not going to shut up. Not that I ever could.

But then one of the commenters below this post makes an equally valid point, and one I can personally very much relate to:

well, after five miscarriages (and no babies) i feel like i have a much different perspective on when to tell. I always told, at least my close family and friends, but with this last pregnancy, i just found i couldn’t anymore. You’re getting a bit high-handed, i think, in dismissing the reasons not to tell. that decision often has nothing to do with any victorian mores, or even shame, often it’s pure terror of even putting voice to something you know is so completely fragile. it’s so very private. plus, after five of them, i just couldn’t handle all the pity. and honestly, i think most people just don’t know what to say anymore. false positivity never did it for me. so, yes, having support is essential, but sometimes you need to come to terms with what’s happening (or might happen) before shouting it to the world.

mamapundit

Unprescribed fertility drugs

kagranju — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:05:45 +0000

In researching my own medical condition, I discovered a trend: women with no fertility issues taking unprescribed meds for the sole purpose of trying to have twins, triplets or more.

mamapundit

Yes we can! (have a baby in 2009)

kagranju — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 21:25:21 +0000

I remain the eternal optimist.

mamapundit

Help me interpret this research

kagranju — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 12:53:26 +0000

I’d welcome some interpretation of this study from people who are more familiar with reading medical research than I am…

mamapundit

A blog is born

kagranju — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 00:13:29 +0000

A new blogging project from Jon & Kate.

mamapundit

hope springs eternal

kagranju — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 18:06:46 +0000

LINK

mamapundit

Thank you

kagranju — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:30:19 +0000

Thank you, friends, and family and blogreaders I’ve never even met in person. Thank you for your sweet e-mails, and messages and phone calls (you know I am very bad about answering the phone).

I am sorry I haven’t yet responded to everyone (or really, anyone). I feel tired and contemplative, and somewhat shut down. I had to go back to work The Day After, and I have other children to look after, so I really haven’t had a chance to even lie down and rest since getting the bad news, much less talk to anyone about it.

In a way, I think it would be easiest to pretend the would-have-been-baby is up on the roof -you know, up there with my father - but at some point you can’t keep sending all the unpleasant realities of your life up to the gables, can you?

But thank you. Your kind words help. They make me feel better. I appreciate them, and you.

mamapundit

Afterward

kagranju — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 17:47:52 +0000

LINK

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