In my latest blog post over at Babble. I’m talking about how I’ve gotten way more comfortable over time in laying down the law when it comes to what my tween and teen children can and cannot wear in public.
Teenagers are trying to find and express their identities through their clothing. I get that, and they need some freedom to do play around with who they are through their sartorial excesses. That shape-shifting through fashion experimentation can be an important part of the growing up process, and completely harmless. On the other hand, when the identity teenegers are expressing through what they are wearing is one that truly contradicts your values as a parent, or celebrates things that are dangerous or illegal, or that compromises their reputation among other kids and adults because it says something about them that people find negative, well, then, I think parental discretion and judgment trumps their need or right to have complete freedom of choice in what they wear. That’s where I am with this these days, but that’s been an evolution over time.
For some teenagers, dressing a certain way is nothing more than play acting, but for other kids, adopting, for example, a Goth fashion sensibility actually supports and encourages their descent into depression or drug use or other kinds of self-harm. Dressing like the guys in gangsta rap videos might be a big nothing for some kids, who just like to play around with costuming themselves, while for others, it’s part of a very meaningful and dangerous interest in a criminal lifestyle. And even if the kids themselves aren’t actually doing any of the things commonly associated with whatever specific clothing styles they are sporting, they can be creating an impression in their schools, neighborhoods and communities that is unhealthy and self-defeating. As parents, we have to protect our kids’ from their own lack of experience and underdeveloped judgment unti l they “get” this stuff themselves.
Go read the whole thing and tell me what you think in the comments there.
